A 50-year-old businessman in Italy missed his ex-girlfriend so much after she dumped him that he paid over $18,000 to have a sex doll made in her image. Tiger Woods considered this but decided he didn’t want his house to look like a female version of the terracotta army.
The day after President Obama declared an end to combat in Iraq, Halliburton announced it was awarded a multi-million dollar contract to start work at the Zubair oil field in Iraq. When he heard the news, Dick Cheney had no one to celebrate with so he shot himself in the face.
A 12-acre California wildfire was started when a golfer trying to hit a ball out of the rough struck his club against a rock and the spark ignited dry grass. He won’t face charges for the fire but the PGA ruled he should have taken a penalty stroke for dropping his flaming ball in a water hazard.
A hiker in Washington state accidentally shot himself in the rear end when he moved his handgun from its holster to his back pocket. The shooting was cheered by fellow hikers who were tired of hearing him sing “The Happy Wanderer.”
An insurance investigator in northeast Arkansas found that a house fire that did $20,000 in damages was caused by the heat of dead plants decomposing in a plastic flowerpot. Unfortunately, their policy was with State Farm, not State Fern.
Conan O'Brien has decided to name his new TBS talk show “Conan.” Internally at TBS, it’s called NAOS – Not Another Old Sitcom.
Proctor & Gamble has taken out a $1 million insurance policy on the hair of its most famous Head & Shoulders spokesperson - Pittsburgh Steelers strong safety Troy Polamalu. If anything happens to Polamalu’s hair during a game, the opposing team will be given a 20-yard penalty and dandruff.
The United States team defeated Iran 88-51 in the world basketball championship. U.S. players say the Iranians called them names during the game because they hate our free throws.
In New Jersey, a female driver escaped injury when her car caught fire after she tried and failed to flick a still-burning cigarette out her window. She plans to sue Toyota because the fire was caused by sudden unexpected incineration.
On September 1, stores in the Philippines put up holiday decorations to start the world's longest Christmas season. In keeping with her annual tradition, Imelda Marcos hung 10,000 stockings on her fireplace.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Slumdog Messiah
President Obama has embarrassed his older daughter Malia by revealing that she wears braces on her teeth. Her dad is now begging her to wait until after the election to reveal to the public that he wars braces on his ears.
Houtong, a rundown former coal mining town in Taiwan, has become a tourist attraction because its stray cat population outnumbers its human population two-to-one. A local barber shop is offering a feline-inspired haircut called the cat-man-doo.
Nik Wallenda, of the famous Flying Wallendas, claims he set a new world record by cycling across a 260-foot high tightrope without a safety net. That’s the highest anyone has been on a bike since the Tour de France banned amphetamines.
A London fashion company has unveiled a little black dress that doubles as a functioning cell phone. The makers are hoping to publicize it on a new cable show called “Sex and the SIM Card.”
A New Hampshire high school student is suing his shop class teacher for not warning him of the dangers of attaching electrical clamps to his nipples and shocking himself. His only hope for winning the case is to get a jury of people with sawed-off fingers.
Filmmakers from India are in the Holy Land to shoot the first Bollywood movie on the early life of Jesus. The working title is “Slumdog Messiah” but they’re also considering “Eat Pray Repeat.”
In Arkansas, police arrested six people at a baptism party after shots were fired and a number of people were assaulted. That’s what happens when you put weird Uncle Harold in charge of the holy water fountain.
Bog snorkeling officials in Wales say Dan Morgan may have knocked 8 seconds off the world record for paddling 60 yards of a muddy, water-filled peat trench using flippers only. Michael Phelps was scheduled to compete until he found out it wasn’t bong snorkeling.
Organizers of the 22nd World Kosher Barbecue Championship held at a Memphis synagogue said 42 groups competed in this year's event. It’s so kosher, the only beer served is Hebrewski.
Bristol Palin says she can’t wait to compete on Dancing With The Stars. She has some dancing experience, just not vertically.
Houtong, a rundown former coal mining town in Taiwan, has become a tourist attraction because its stray cat population outnumbers its human population two-to-one. A local barber shop is offering a feline-inspired haircut called the cat-man-doo.
Nik Wallenda, of the famous Flying Wallendas, claims he set a new world record by cycling across a 260-foot high tightrope without a safety net. That’s the highest anyone has been on a bike since the Tour de France banned amphetamines.
A London fashion company has unveiled a little black dress that doubles as a functioning cell phone. The makers are hoping to publicize it on a new cable show called “Sex and the SIM Card.”
A New Hampshire high school student is suing his shop class teacher for not warning him of the dangers of attaching electrical clamps to his nipples and shocking himself. His only hope for winning the case is to get a jury of people with sawed-off fingers.
Filmmakers from India are in the Holy Land to shoot the first Bollywood movie on the early life of Jesus. The working title is “Slumdog Messiah” but they’re also considering “Eat Pray Repeat.”
In Arkansas, police arrested six people at a baptism party after shots were fired and a number of people were assaulted. That’s what happens when you put weird Uncle Harold in charge of the holy water fountain.
Bog snorkeling officials in Wales say Dan Morgan may have knocked 8 seconds off the world record for paddling 60 yards of a muddy, water-filled peat trench using flippers only. Michael Phelps was scheduled to compete until he found out it wasn’t bong snorkeling.
Organizers of the 22nd World Kosher Barbecue Championship held at a Memphis synagogue said 42 groups competed in this year's event. It’s so kosher, the only beer served is Hebrewski.
Bristol Palin says she can’t wait to compete on Dancing With The Stars. She has some dancing experience, just not vertically.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Feed-your-head cheese
A failed bank in Georgia that is a 13,000-foot replica of the White House is being sold by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation. The design was inspired by the real White House except for the drive-through deposit window, which was inspired by White House lobbyists.
The Washington Shakespeare Company in Arlington, Virginia, performs selections from Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” and “Much Ado About Nothing” in Klingon. For true Shakespeare fans who don’t want their friends to know they’re also Trekkies, the theater has a special section with a cloaking device.
Indonesia's volcanic Mount Sinabung, which has been dormant for four centuries, erupted for a second day in a row this week. According to Pat Robertson, this is God’s way of punishing Indonesia for sending us Barack Obama.
A toilet reportedly used by former Beatle John Lennon sold for $18,341 at a Beatles convention in Liverpool. John allegedly blocked the commode while composing an early version of “Eight Days A Week” called “Eight Days Of Wheat.”
Police in Massachusetts arrested a man who received a hollowed-out bologna in the mail that contained $100,000 worth of cocaine. He was also expecting a shipment of LSD in a loaf of feed-your-head cheese.
The owner of a Winn-Dixie grocery in Florida says a store display of a cake decorated with a Confederate flag was in poor judgment. He didn’t do much better when he tried to make it up to his black customers by serving an I Have A Cream cake.
Elijah Williams, a Christian judge in Florida named for an Old Testament prophet, is being forced to respond to anonymous bloggers claiming Elijah is a Muslim name. Wait until they find out that “Ground Zero” was named after an Arabic numeral.
Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele is traveling to Guam in September to help raise money for the island's top Republican candidates. If you think Steele can’t sing any lower, half of the candidates are running for student council.
Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey comic strip turns 60 this week. Walker’s longevity was an inspiration to many young cartoonists and Beetle’s ability to go so long without seeing combat was an inspiration to young George W. Bush.
Raytheon won a $450 million contract to supply our military with small bombs. Only in America does it cost $450 million to do the same thing a guy in Iraq can do with a used remote control and $5 bag of fertilizer.
The Washington Shakespeare Company in Arlington, Virginia, performs selections from Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” and “Much Ado About Nothing” in Klingon. For true Shakespeare fans who don’t want their friends to know they’re also Trekkies, the theater has a special section with a cloaking device.
Indonesia's volcanic Mount Sinabung, which has been dormant for four centuries, erupted for a second day in a row this week. According to Pat Robertson, this is God’s way of punishing Indonesia for sending us Barack Obama.
A toilet reportedly used by former Beatle John Lennon sold for $18,341 at a Beatles convention in Liverpool. John allegedly blocked the commode while composing an early version of “Eight Days A Week” called “Eight Days Of Wheat.”
Police in Massachusetts arrested a man who received a hollowed-out bologna in the mail that contained $100,000 worth of cocaine. He was also expecting a shipment of LSD in a loaf of feed-your-head cheese.
The owner of a Winn-Dixie grocery in Florida says a store display of a cake decorated with a Confederate flag was in poor judgment. He didn’t do much better when he tried to make it up to his black customers by serving an I Have A Cream cake.
Elijah Williams, a Christian judge in Florida named for an Old Testament prophet, is being forced to respond to anonymous bloggers claiming Elijah is a Muslim name. Wait until they find out that “Ground Zero” was named after an Arabic numeral.
Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele is traveling to Guam in September to help raise money for the island's top Republican candidates. If you think Steele can’t sing any lower, half of the candidates are running for student council.
Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey comic strip turns 60 this week. Walker’s longevity was an inspiration to many young cartoonists and Beetle’s ability to go so long without seeing combat was an inspiration to young George W. Bush.
Raytheon won a $450 million contract to supply our military with small bombs. Only in America does it cost $450 million to do the same thing a guy in Iraq can do with a used remote control and $5 bag of fertilizer.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
She's drop-dead gorgeous
An 18-year-old competitor in the Miss Norfolk beauty pageant in England is in school to become an undertaker. So she’s telling the truth when she says she’s “drop-dead gorgeous.”
The lineup for the next season of “'Dancing with the Stars” includes Florence Henderson, Brandy, Kirstie Alley and David Hasselhoff. That’s a Brady, a Brandy, a heavy and a Hoffy.
Researchers at Stanford University have created a new textile inspired by the feet of geckos that could someday allow humans to climb walls and ceilings like Spiderman. As with most other new inventions, the first industry this is expected to revolutionize is porn.
The Japan Sumo Association is giving its sumo wrestlers iPads because their fingers are too fat to use cell phones. That’s the same reason sumo wrestlers use Ziploc bags instead of condoms.
The results of the Alaska Senate race between race between incumbent Lisa Murkowski and Sarah Palin-backed candidate Joe Miller won’t be known until mail-in votes are counted. So it looks like the race will be decided by absentee ballots and an absentee governor.
NFL owners meeting in Atlanta say they support increasing the regular season from 16 to 18 games. They were hoping to do it this season but Brett Favre already has a date picked for his next retirement party.
Bristol Palin will be a contestant on “'Dancing with the Stars.” Mama Sarah tried to talk out of it after hearing that Tom DeLay already used the “I’m quitting for the good of country” option.
After years of making life miserable for gays and lesbians, former Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman has decided to come out of the closet. A lot of Republicans got suspicious when he slipped up and said his favorite network was La Cages aux Fox.
A shark sighting off the coast of Somerset, Massachusetts, turned out to be a piece of Styrofoam cut into a fin shape, wrapped in gray duct tape and weighted down. No one was more disappointed than the owner of a local Chinese restaurant who had to change his menu to Styrofoam fin soup.
While out campaigning for mayor, Levi Johnston stopped at a Wasilla gun shop and checked out a $2,000 hunting rifle. And to show voters he’s learned his lesson, he didn’t test-fire it until first loading it with blanks.
The lineup for the next season of “'Dancing with the Stars” includes Florence Henderson, Brandy, Kirstie Alley and David Hasselhoff. That’s a Brady, a Brandy, a heavy and a Hoffy.
Researchers at Stanford University have created a new textile inspired by the feet of geckos that could someday allow humans to climb walls and ceilings like Spiderman. As with most other new inventions, the first industry this is expected to revolutionize is porn.
The Japan Sumo Association is giving its sumo wrestlers iPads because their fingers are too fat to use cell phones. That’s the same reason sumo wrestlers use Ziploc bags instead of condoms.
The results of the Alaska Senate race between race between incumbent Lisa Murkowski and Sarah Palin-backed candidate Joe Miller won’t be known until mail-in votes are counted. So it looks like the race will be decided by absentee ballots and an absentee governor.
NFL owners meeting in Atlanta say they support increasing the regular season from 16 to 18 games. They were hoping to do it this season but Brett Favre already has a date picked for his next retirement party.
Bristol Palin will be a contestant on “'Dancing with the Stars.” Mama Sarah tried to talk out of it after hearing that Tom DeLay already used the “I’m quitting for the good of country” option.
After years of making life miserable for gays and lesbians, former Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman has decided to come out of the closet. A lot of Republicans got suspicious when he slipped up and said his favorite network was La Cages aux Fox.
A shark sighting off the coast of Somerset, Massachusetts, turned out to be a piece of Styrofoam cut into a fin shape, wrapped in gray duct tape and weighted down. No one was more disappointed than the owner of a local Chinese restaurant who had to change his menu to Styrofoam fin soup.
While out campaigning for mayor, Levi Johnston stopped at a Wasilla gun shop and checked out a $2,000 hunting rifle. And to show voters he’s learned his lesson, he didn’t test-fire it until first loading it with blanks.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A couple from bulls asking for the cow’s number
In an interview with People magazine, Elin Nordegren says she never hit Tiger Woods with a golf club and had no idea he was cheating on her. She should use some of the money from the divorce settlement on an eye exam.
In an interview with People magazine, Elin Nordegren says she hasn’t watched a minute of golf since finding out about Tiger Woods cheating on her. So despite being beautiful, rich and famous, she’s just like the rest of us.
Heidi Montag now says she wants her old D-cup implants back because her G-cups make it impossible to hug her four dogs. At that size, she probably has a hard time wrapping her arms around her two puppies too.
A man in China claims he let the nails on his left hand for 13 years to a length of 14 inches in order to help him control his temper and stay out of fights. Mel Gibson thought about doing that but decided having a violent temper is a small price to pay for being able to pick your nose.
A 35-year-old man in Germany who walked around for five years with a bullet lodged in the back of his head says he thought the headaches were from getting hit with fireworks at a New Year’s Eve party. He should have been a little suspicious when his friends started singing, “Should ammunition be forgot and never brought to mind …”
A woman on probation in Pennsylvania who failed a blood-alcohol test blamed it on gin-soaked raisins, an old folk remedy for arthritis. In a related story, Lindsay Lohan has been complaining about a sore elbow.
An elderly couple in Florida decided to practice what they would do if someone broke into their house and during the drill the 72-year-old woman shot her husband. She claimed it was an accident but he thinks it’s because she imagined the intruder was George Clooney.
For the second time in a month, a 3-foot-long alligator was captured swimming in the river in downtown Chicago. Animal experts say the gators would not have survived Chicago’s harsh winter nor Chicagoans with sauerkraut and 3-foot-long buns.
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay wants his money laundering trial moved out of Austin because he says the city is too liberal to give him a fair trial. If he can’t get a change of venue, he wants the judge replaced with fan voting like he got on “Dancing with the Stars.”
Alan Simpson, co-chair of President Obama's deficit commission, is in hot water for referring to Social Security as “a milk cow with 310 million tits.” He got thousands of angry emails calling for his resignation and a couple from bulls asking for the cow’s number.
Zaytuna College opened this week in Berkeley, California, making it the first accredited, four-year Muslim liberal arts college in the U.S. Locals are protesting because Zaytuna administrators want to build a mosque two blocks from the most sacred ground on a college campus: the football field.
In an interview with People magazine, Elin Nordegren says she hasn’t watched a minute of golf since finding out about Tiger Woods cheating on her. So despite being beautiful, rich and famous, she’s just like the rest of us.
Heidi Montag now says she wants her old D-cup implants back because her G-cups make it impossible to hug her four dogs. At that size, she probably has a hard time wrapping her arms around her two puppies too.
A man in China claims he let the nails on his left hand for 13 years to a length of 14 inches in order to help him control his temper and stay out of fights. Mel Gibson thought about doing that but decided having a violent temper is a small price to pay for being able to pick your nose.
A 35-year-old man in Germany who walked around for five years with a bullet lodged in the back of his head says he thought the headaches were from getting hit with fireworks at a New Year’s Eve party. He should have been a little suspicious when his friends started singing, “Should ammunition be forgot and never brought to mind …”
A woman on probation in Pennsylvania who failed a blood-alcohol test blamed it on gin-soaked raisins, an old folk remedy for arthritis. In a related story, Lindsay Lohan has been complaining about a sore elbow.
An elderly couple in Florida decided to practice what they would do if someone broke into their house and during the drill the 72-year-old woman shot her husband. She claimed it was an accident but he thinks it’s because she imagined the intruder was George Clooney.
For the second time in a month, a 3-foot-long alligator was captured swimming in the river in downtown Chicago. Animal experts say the gators would not have survived Chicago’s harsh winter nor Chicagoans with sauerkraut and 3-foot-long buns.
Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay wants his money laundering trial moved out of Austin because he says the city is too liberal to give him a fair trial. If he can’t get a change of venue, he wants the judge replaced with fan voting like he got on “Dancing with the Stars.”
Alan Simpson, co-chair of President Obama's deficit commission, is in hot water for referring to Social Security as “a milk cow with 310 million tits.” He got thousands of angry emails calling for his resignation and a couple from bulls asking for the cow’s number.
Zaytuna College opened this week in Berkeley, California, making it the first accredited, four-year Muslim liberal arts college in the U.S. Locals are protesting because Zaytuna administrators want to build a mosque two blocks from the most sacred ground on a college campus: the football field.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Streisand of Liberty
Jimena Navarrete of Guadalajara, Mexico, is the new Miss Universe, finishing ahead of Miss Jamaica and Miss Australia. Miss USA finished last in the congeniality competition when she followed orders from the White House and completely ignored Miss Iraq.
A German skydiver sat in a rubber boat and solved a Rubik's Cube after jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet. He’s in training in case Germany ever invades Candyland.
A New Orleans woman was jailed for ten days after she went to court in low-riding shorts which revealed her underwear. She offered to put on a second pair but the judge ruled that two thongs don’t make it right.
In China, the world’s longest traffic jam stretched 60 miles from Beijing to Inner Mongolia and moved at only 2 miles a day. The world’s second-longest traffic jam was going in the opposite direction caused by rubber-neckers.
A Go Topless Day demonstration in San Francisco consisted of 8 topless women and 14 men wearing bikinis, nipple tape or other breast coverings to promote topless equality. The men left when the women suggested they tie bricks to their chests and complain about backaches.
A survey of sex toy sellers in New York found that sales are up despite the tough economy. Unfortunately, many guys are disappointed to find out the unemployment office doesn’t recognize inflatable wives as dependents.
A New York auction house is selling a 2-foot chunk of copper designed to create part of the State of Liberty's nose during the 1980s restoration. It wasn’t used after a test showed it made her look like the Streisand of Liberty.
According to a recent survey, the American city with the most tattoo shops per 100,000 people is Miami Beach, Florida. Not surprisingly, the most popular tattoo there reads: “If found, please return to the nearest retirement community.”
Woody Allen says he switched to shooting movies in European cities because he can’t afford to shoot in New York anymore. It’s so expensive, if he had to shoot it today, one of his most popular movies would be called Hannah and her Imaginary Sisters.
Tiger and Elin Woods’ divorce hearing in a Florida courtroom took ten minutes. Nine of those minutes were devoted to Tiger’s one last attempt to get full custody of Elin’s cute nanny.
Toyota is offering Japanese drivers an optional electronic humming device on the Prius so pedestrians can hear the hybrid car coming. It also comes with a large swatter-shaped hood ornament to scare off lovesick bees.
A German skydiver sat in a rubber boat and solved a Rubik's Cube after jumping out of a plane at 14,000 feet. He’s in training in case Germany ever invades Candyland.
A New Orleans woman was jailed for ten days after she went to court in low-riding shorts which revealed her underwear. She offered to put on a second pair but the judge ruled that two thongs don’t make it right.
In China, the world’s longest traffic jam stretched 60 miles from Beijing to Inner Mongolia and moved at only 2 miles a day. The world’s second-longest traffic jam was going in the opposite direction caused by rubber-neckers.
A Go Topless Day demonstration in San Francisco consisted of 8 topless women and 14 men wearing bikinis, nipple tape or other breast coverings to promote topless equality. The men left when the women suggested they tie bricks to their chests and complain about backaches.
A survey of sex toy sellers in New York found that sales are up despite the tough economy. Unfortunately, many guys are disappointed to find out the unemployment office doesn’t recognize inflatable wives as dependents.
A New York auction house is selling a 2-foot chunk of copper designed to create part of the State of Liberty's nose during the 1980s restoration. It wasn’t used after a test showed it made her look like the Streisand of Liberty.
According to a recent survey, the American city with the most tattoo shops per 100,000 people is Miami Beach, Florida. Not surprisingly, the most popular tattoo there reads: “If found, please return to the nearest retirement community.”
Woody Allen says he switched to shooting movies in European cities because he can’t afford to shoot in New York anymore. It’s so expensive, if he had to shoot it today, one of his most popular movies would be called Hannah and her Imaginary Sisters.
Tiger and Elin Woods’ divorce hearing in a Florida courtroom took ten minutes. Nine of those minutes were devoted to Tiger’s one last attempt to get full custody of Elin’s cute nanny.
Toyota is offering Japanese drivers an optional electronic humming device on the Prius so pedestrians can hear the hybrid car coming. It also comes with a large swatter-shaped hood ornament to scare off lovesick bees.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Connecting her age spots
After losing an arm-wrestling match, a South Florida man pulled out a rifle and pressed the barrel against the forehead of the man who beat him. He’s been kicked out of the NRA for violating rule number 7: If you’re already armed, there’s no need to arm-wrestle.
A new interactive web site called Suessville.com has been unveiled to introduce kids to the books of Dr. Suess. If Dr. Suess were alive to see this, his next book would be “Get Away From The Computer And Hop On Pop Until He Reads You A Book Out Loud.”
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich attended a Chicago-area comic book convention and signed autographs for $50 each. He didn’t give any refunds to disappointed kids who thought he was Jughead from the Archie comics.
A 101-year-old woman got her third tattoo in two years, a sunflower on her arm. The tattoo artist came up with the design after connecting her age spots.
A pig wrestling competition at a county fair in northern Montana was canceled after fair officials were unable to catch any wild boars for the event. That’s what happens when you send out pig catchers who’ve been eating too much deep-fried bacon on a stick.
Paul McCartney, Katie Couric, Christie Brinkley and Jimmy Buffett were among the guests at former President Bill Clinton's 64th birthday party in New York. One embarrassing moment occurred when none of the women at the party would help him blow out the candles.
In Southsea, England, a couple returning from their honeymoon found a 7-foot python in their upstairs bathroom. The husband was a little upset when the wife said she thought she recognized the python from her bachelorette party.
The head of the FDA says more egg recalls may be necessary to stop the recent salmonella outbreak. It’s so bad, the suicide hotline reports numerous calls from the Easter Bunny.
“The Switch,” Jennifer Aniston's new movie about artificial insemination, bombed at the box office in its opening weekend. Moviegoers were confused since “The Expendables,” “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Vampires Suck” sound more like titles of films about artificial insemination.
A new interactive web site called Suessville.com has been unveiled to introduce kids to the books of Dr. Suess. If Dr. Suess were alive to see this, his next book would be “Get Away From The Computer And Hop On Pop Until He Reads You A Book Out Loud.”
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich attended a Chicago-area comic book convention and signed autographs for $50 each. He didn’t give any refunds to disappointed kids who thought he was Jughead from the Archie comics.
A 101-year-old woman got her third tattoo in two years, a sunflower on her arm. The tattoo artist came up with the design after connecting her age spots.
A pig wrestling competition at a county fair in northern Montana was canceled after fair officials were unable to catch any wild boars for the event. That’s what happens when you send out pig catchers who’ve been eating too much deep-fried bacon on a stick.
Paul McCartney, Katie Couric, Christie Brinkley and Jimmy Buffett were among the guests at former President Bill Clinton's 64th birthday party in New York. One embarrassing moment occurred when none of the women at the party would help him blow out the candles.
In Southsea, England, a couple returning from their honeymoon found a 7-foot python in their upstairs bathroom. The husband was a little upset when the wife said she thought she recognized the python from her bachelorette party.
The head of the FDA says more egg recalls may be necessary to stop the recent salmonella outbreak. It’s so bad, the suicide hotline reports numerous calls from the Easter Bunny.
“The Switch,” Jennifer Aniston's new movie about artificial insemination, bombed at the box office in its opening weekend. Moviegoers were confused since “The Expendables,” “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Vampires Suck” sound more like titles of films about artificial insemination.
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