Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I told you I felt flushed

Morrie Yohai, the inventor of Cheez Doodles, passed away at the age of 90. His last words were: “All right! St. Peter has orange fingers!”

A woman in Taiwan set a world record for killing mosquitoes by swatting four million in one month. That makes her the only woman with more bloody imprints on her hand than Sarah Palin.

HarperCollins will publish the official illustrated memoir of 16-year-old singer Justin Bieber. Publishing industry experts say it could have the largest first-printing ever for a pamphlet.

Police in New Jersey were looking for a young black bear seen wandering along a stream near the Knickerbocker Country Club golf course. They warned duffers that the bear was a golf fan and was looking to put a hole in one.

Canada's Royal College of Dentistry has hired an investigator to check reports of illegal dental clinics being run from basements and bedrooms. You know you’re in an illegal clinic when you ask for a painkiller and the dentist offers your choice of a bullet, a shot of whiskey or a left hook to the chin.

The actor who played the Ty-D-Bol man in commercials has passed away. Per his request, his tombstone will read, “I told you I felt flushed.”

Charlie Sheen pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault charge and was sentenced to 30 days in rehab, 3 months probation and 36 hours of domestic violence counseling. Or as Mel Gibson calls it, summer vacation.

LeBron James showed appreciation to his hometown fans with a full-page newspaper ad in the Akron Beacon Journal. Akron is the rubber capitol, which seems appropriate since fans in Cleveland now consider LeBron to be something often covered with a rubber.

"Glee" co-creator Ryan Murphy says Paul McCartney is a fan of the show and wants his music to be featured in an episode. McCartney won’t appear on the show because the evil bossy cheerleader coach reminds him too much of Heather Mill’s

Brett Favre has informed the Vikings he will not return to Minnesota for a second season. Apparently the team officials refused to honor his request to have the bench equipped with handrails.

Nevada Republican Senate candidate and Tea Party favorite Sharron Angle says she thinks the media should “ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it to be reported.” This woman should apologize to softballs for giving them a bad name.

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