Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bland, simplistic and sappy

Sarah Palin, her daughter Bristol and their babies are on the cover of In Touch magazine. They chose to do their exclusive interview with In Touch because there’s no magazine called Out of Touch.

Former USC coach Pete Carroll says he’s excited to be coaching the Seattle Seahawks because “they have embraced my approach.” Starting today, parents of Seahawks players can stop by a Seattle car dealership to pick up their free vehicles.

First lady Michelle Obama unveiled a new hairdo this week. Reporters are camped outside the offices of Don Imus and Harry Reid to see which one will be the first to describe it as “nappy.”

According to the World Health Organization, nearly half of all births in China are delivered by cesarean section. Experts say Chinese mothers would feel more comfortable about natural childbirth if their doctors switched from forceps to chopsticks.

Pope Benedict XVI met with the woman who knocked him over at St. Peter's Basilica during Christmas Eve Mass and forgave her. He didn’t want to forgive her but his PR guy said it would be accepted better than an exorcism.

Rumors are flying that Tiger Woods has checked into an Arizona sex rehab center. It’s called the “Stop Thinking About Betty Ford Clinic.”

Hugh Hefner has broken up with the 20-year-old Shannon Twins and is down to one girlfriend, 23-year-old Crystal Harris. They got the news when Hef put two-thirds of his Viagra collection up for sale on eBay.

After seeing the movie ‘Avatar,’ some people who are upset because their real lives are nothing like Pandora are becoming depressed and even suicidal. Psychologists suggest that people who feel this way should immediately buy another ticket and go see “The Hangover.”

The Vatican’s official newspaper and radio station reviewed ‘Avatar’ and called it bland, simplistic and sappy. In other words, the kind of movie the pope thinks Catholics should see.

Researchers in Italy say the bark of a French pine tree contains anti-oxidants that may help patients with hemorrhoids. Unfortunately, most health insurance plans do not cover getting infested by pine beetles while rubbing your butt against a tree.

Paul Thurmond, the son of late Senator Strom Thurmond, says he may run for an open congressional seat in South Carolina. The 34-year-old Thurmond wants to run while he still has 66 good years left in him.

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