Monday, March 1, 2010

Garth On Ice

Restaurants serving chicken wings say the increased demand has caused the price to increase, so some are replacing them with boneless chicken wings, which is just white meat in disguise. Kind of like African-American Republicans.

The Supreme Court has declined to get involved in a new dispute over a Ten Commandments display on public property. The judges don’t want to have to explain why their recent ruling on corporate donations to campaigns doesn’t break a bunch of them.

About 5,200 naked Australians posed on the steps of the Sydney Opera House for a photo shoot by Spencer Tunick. The cold caused so much shrinkage that the pile-on photo showed nothing but shrimps on the Barbies.

Apple has admitted that child labor was used at some factories that build its computers, iPods and mobile phones. To avoid hiring kids who lie about their age, applicants must now correctly identify a cassette Walkman.

Police in Wales stopped a woman for flossing her teeth while driving 70 mph on a highway. They let her off since she was in a Toyota and could have used the floss to tie her foot to the brake pedal.

Tickets for 20 upcoming Garth Brooks concerts in Las Vegas were sold out within hours of becoming available. He’s so popular, many casinos are looking for overweight showgirls to compete with a “Garth On Ice” revue.

According to a new study, 26 percent of Americans get news on their cell phones. If this is you, invest in an app that asks you periodically if you really want to throw your expensive phone against the wall.

An Air Canada plane was taken out of service and the 205 passengers were deboarded after a rat was found on board. Then they had to wait until a crew from Wisconsin arrived with a special cheese-sniffing dog.

Pat Robertson is blaming the earthquake in Chile on the fact that the cartoon penguin Chilly Willy had a name that provokes impure thoughts.

I watched Jerry Seinfeld’s new show, “The Marriage Ref.” I’m hoping they find out the ref bet on the contest, arrest him and put this show out of its misery.

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