Thursday, July 22, 2010

Old English sheepdawgs

Astronomers studying 12-mile-wide snowballs forming in Saturn’s rings say they may give clues to the creation of planets in the early solar system. Creationists say this just proves God has a corncob pipe, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal.

According to a new survey, whites in the U.S. increased their alcohol consumption from 1992 to 2002 while blacks and Hispanics did not. Further proof that the Tea Party is misnamed.

The woman who is the cell next to Lindsay Lohan is linked to a group that burglarized Lindsay’s home last year. To show there’s no hard feelings, Lohan told the woman to call her up when she gets out and she’ll give her the address of her lawyer’s house.

A Utah man is accused of violating a protective order because he allegedly sent letters to his estranged wife's cat. What’s worse, he told the cat it was OK to use his wife’s bed as a litter box.

House Minority Leader John Boehner says three of his brothers lost their jobs during the recession and he doesn’t know if they’re still unemployed. Coincidentally, they’ve been watching C-SPAN and they’re not sure if he’s working either.

The stone penis on a nude statue of an angel at a German fashion designer’s gravesite has disappeared. That’s what I call taking the ‘rub’ out of cherub.

Police in North Carolina arrested a man who allegedly loaded his gun with a wad of toilet paper and shot his wife in the back. Neighbors were shocked, although they should have suspected something since most described the man as being “charmin’.”

Singer and actor Chris Isaak has met with Fox twice about replacing Simon Cowell as a judge on “American Idol.” In order to not violate the unwritten rule that one judge on talent shows must be or at least act British, Randy Jackson may be forced to refer to contestants as “Old English sheepdawgs.”

Al Gore’s son, Al Gore III, won a charity boxing match against Ken “The Carnivore” Cunningham. Using his father’s advice, Gore knocked his opponent out by pinning him against the ropes and explaining global warming.

1 comment:

  1. Anand Tatti BangaloreJuly 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM

    The stone penis on a nude statue of an angel at a German fashion designer’s grave site has disappeared.The cherub would have no hard feelings, though.

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