Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hell's Angelfish

Many retailers are moving Black Friday, the traditional day-after-Thanksgiving start of the holiday shopping season, to the Friday before Halloween. Sounds like the name should be changed to Bleak Friday.

In a recent interview, Laura Bush said her husband’s favorite iPad app is Scrabble. W can only play for a few minutes before getting a sudden uncontrollable urge for alphabet soup.

The Guinness Book awarded an Angolan man known as the Jaw of Awe the title of world's widest mouth after he shoved a 12-ounce can of soda in it sideways. He’s also under investigation for the mysterious disappearance of a number of dental hygienists.

A British inventor has created a new underwater scooter that allows tourists to explore coral reefs without learning to scuba dive or even swim. Regular reef divers are now complaining about being terrorized by a gang of tattooed scooter riders known as the Hell’s Angelfish.

Police in Boulder say a man apparently shot himself in the knee while sleepwalking. That’s the last time he’ll go straight to bed after watching a mobster movie.

Barry Bonds says he’d like to be a hitting coach someday for the San Francisco Giants. He’s waiting for the Giants to convert a Volkswagen beetle into a batting helmet for him.

The Columbus Zoo sadly reported that the world’s longest snake in captivity has died. In lieu of flowers, zookeepers are asking fans of the 24-foot python to send pallbearers instead.

The United Nations has confirmed that furniture in its New York headquarters is infested with bedbugs. Officials are trying to decide whether to fumigate the building or just move the furniture into the Iranian delegate’s office.

Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell threatened to sue a radio station for posting a video of an interview she gave. She later backed down and threatened to turn the station owner into a frog instead.

The woman who was with Charlie Sheen during his latest drunken tirade has been identified as a 22-year-old porn star who says she’s not a prostitute. Right. She was naked in his room helping him rehearse one of those hilarious shower scenes from “Two-and-a-Half Men.”

The Museum of the Confederacy in Virginia is using x-rays to determine if two Civil War-era toy dolls in its collection were used to smuggle drugs. They got suspicious when they gave the dolls a water-filled bottle and the liquid came out of their noses instead of the other end.

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