Wednesday, October 27, 2010

$%#@ Our Former Star Says

According to the Census Bureau, an estimated 36 million children between ages 5 and 13 put on costumes and went trick-or-treating last Halloween. That number will be higher this year due to trick-or-treating Tea Partiers who act like they’re between the ages of 5 and 13.

A Nevada political action committee caught flak for an automated call that went out to about 50,000 homes at one in the morning. The PAC must now pay for 50,000 broken phones and 50,0000 holes in the wall.

An online store in Missouri is selling a 3-pound, 26-inch-long 4,000-calorie gummy worm that it claims is the world’s largest. It comes with the world’s smallest Jaws-of-Life to help open the mouths of anyone dumb enough to try and eat the whole thing.

An Australian man was charged with assault after tattooing a 16-inch penis onto his friend's back. The tattooed man knew something was wrong when his hand-shaped backscratcher started growing hair on the palm.

In Germany, a tiger trainer who almost mauled to death by his big cats is getting married and the tigers will serve as his best man and groomsmen. Not surprisingly, the bachelor party will be held at the local Pussycat Club.

Train stations in China are now installing vending machines that dispense live crabs. As if getting live bedbugs from the sleeping cars wasn’t bad enough.

Comedian and “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart is No. 1 on AskMen's Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2010 list, finishing well ahead of No. 21 Barack Obama. Obama would have finished higher, but the web site is called AskMen, not AskMenWhoWillLoseTheirJobsIfHe’sNotReelected.

An original Darth Vader costume from the “Star Wars” movies is up for auction in London. The owner is an anonymous American who says he can’t wear the costume anymore because the metal helmet interferes with his defibrillator and the eyeholes are too small to see the people whose faces he’s trying to shoot.

Karl Rove said in an interview that “45 percent of NPR listeners were Saddam Hussein.” If that’s true, how come 45 percent of the callers to Car Talk didn’t want advice on how to tune-up a camel?

More bad news for Charlie Sheen. The producers of “Two-and-a-Half Men” have purchased the rights to the title “$%#@ Our Former Star Says.”

No comments:

Post a Comment