Monday, October 4, 2010

Reclining barstools

According to the first Census of Marine Life, almost 250,000 marine species have now been identified, and there may be at least another 750,000 waiting to be discovered. On the downside, only one percent go with tartar sauce.

A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that after sex, women prefer talking, kissing, cuddling and talking about the relationship, while men prefer to smoke, eat or drink. To capitalize on this, a number of cocktail lounges are offering reclining barstools.

The first national survey of Americans' sexual behavior since 1994 found 41 different ways people engage in sex. This came as a shock to Christine O’Donnell who is still waiting for her first sex lesson from a missionary.

Doctors are reporting cases of “toasted skin syndrome,” an unusual-looking mottled skin condition caused by spending too many hours with a hot notebook computer on your lap. Not surprisingly, over a million people with this condition have formed a Facebook group.

The FBI and Homeland Security Department say they have no indication that terrorists are targeting U.S. citizens as part of a new threat against Europe. The news came as a disappointment to French waiters.

Former President Jimmy Carter says he's recovered from a "bout with a virus" and the 86-year-old has resumed his relatively hectic schedule. In a similar announcement, George W. Bush says he’s recovered from his bout with being president and has resumed bugging Laura all day about what’s for dinner.

South Korea retained the title of grand champion for the third straight year at the10th annual World Cyber Games. The winners had to postpone a victory parade through the streets of Seoul because their wrists are still too sore to wave.

In England, an obstacle course race between soccer club mascots got ugly when it was discovered that some clubs secretly replaced the regular mascots with athletic ringers and were actually trying to win. If it works for mascots, maybe the Detroit Lions should try it with the rest of the team.

Emergency rooms are seeing a rash of “bystander injuries” as the result of Nintendo Wii players wildly swing the console’s remote. These injuries are usually accompanied by arm strains caused by throwing the console against the wall.

A popular charity calendar in Austria features farm girls dressed as Marilyn Monroe in Seven Year Itch, Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, Halle Berry's Catwoman and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. The local favorite is a farmer’s daughter dressed as the host of a documentary on sheep breeding.

After a two-month investigation, a strip club in Cocoa, Florida, was raided by police because some of the women were dancing naked. The dancers got suspicious when the undercover officers ran out of dollar bills and tried to stuff their G-strings with donut shop coupons.

According to a new report, China is the world's largest toilet market with nearly 19 million toilets being sold there every year. Many homes have two: the Moo Goo Guy and the Moo Goo Girl models.

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