Larry King says he’s retiring as host of “Larry King Live” so he and his wife can go to Little League baseball games. He’ll be the old guy in the stands yelling, “Hey you kids! Get off of my lawn!”
Police in Massillon, Ohio, arrested a man named Donald Duck on drunken driving charges and drug possession. His lawyer claims Donald Duck suffers from multiple personalities disorder and that’s the reason he was acting Goofy.
Actor Steve Carell says he’s leaving “The Office” at the end of season seven so he can spend more time with his family. His kids watched DVDs of the previous six seasons of him playing Michael Scott and begged him to stay on the show until they’re old enough to move out.
Actor Rob Lowe is working on a memoir called “Stories I Only Tell My Friends.” That’s not the original title but his publisher didn’t like “Stories That Explain Why I’m Not George Clooney.”
Addiction experts in Australia have found no link between excessive Internet use and problem gambling. Apparently strip Internet poker isn’t as addictive as the real thing.
Police in Florida arrested a woman who allegedly swung a toilet lid at her cousin's head before stealing his wallet. The cops found the weapon with her fingerprints on it because, like all women, she put the seat down.
A Massachusetts biotech firm has been asked by Ozzy Osbourne to analyze his DNA for his new health column in The Times of London. I predict they’ll find that his deoxyribonucleic acid is mostly acid.
The Senate voted 99-to-0 to unanimously confirm Gen. David Petraeus as the next commander of the Afghanistan war. The late Senator Robert Byrd could not vote, but just to be on the safe side President Obama banned Ouija boards from the Senate chamber.
A lock of hair from the head of Napoleon Bonaparte sold at a recent auction for $13,100. You can tell it was Napoleon’s because it still smells of his favorite shampoo … Behead and Shoulders.
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