Thursday, June 17, 2010

Indiana Jones and Indiana's Bones

The Food and Drug Administration says a new so-called “female Viagra” fell short in two tests. This marks the first time the words “Viagra” and “short” have been used in the same sentence.

The American construction worker who claims he went to Pakistan to single-handedly kill Osama bin Laden says he did it after God appeared to him in a dream. It’s nice to see God is finally speaking to the right people.

North Korea’s World Cup soccer team coach says Korean leader Kim Jong-Il speaks to him during matches on an invisible phone. Reception isn’t real good so he’s not sure if the Dear Leader is saying “concentrate” or “concentration camp.”

Rush Limbaugh will appear on the Golf Channel’s "The Haney Project" where he’ll get golf tips from Tiger Woods' former coach Hank Haney. Haney warns he can only help Rush with his grip on his putter, not on reality.

A new law is going into effect restricting the mailing of cigarettes, tobacco and smokeless tobacco. Cigars can still be mailed, courtesy of a special secret loophole passed years ago by Bill Clinton.

Wildlife officials say no laws were broken when employees at an Ohio airport used vehicles to scare and chase coyotes off runways. However, they could be violating a copyright if the keep chasing the coyotes while yelling “Beep-beep!

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart got married in a ceremony presided over by New Mexico's governor Bill Richardson. They’re thinking about finally doing a movie together called “Indiana Jones and Indiana's Bones.”

Christina Aguilera has been picked to sing the national anthem before game seven of the NBA Finals. Based on her performance before Game 6, the Lakers are hoping her singing hurts the Celtics ears enough that they can’t hear Doc Rivers yelling plays.

A Greyhound bus driver was arrested after he stole a brand-new bus in New York and drove it to see his girlfriend. To complete the romantic Greyhound mood, he brought her a selection of candy from the vending machine.

The door of an American Airlines jetliner snapped off when the plane rolled away from a gate at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. To avoid delay, a number of passengers offered to stuff the hole with the overweight salesman sitting next to them.

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