Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Post-newspaper stress disorder

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford now admits he had a lot more encounters with his Argentine mistress than he previously admitted to. He also admitted calling TMZ.com to see if there were any celebrity deaths coming up that he could time his announcements with.

The latest rumor is that Michael Jackson is not the biological father of any of his children and that Debbie Rowe is not the biological mother of the first two, having been just a well-paid surrogate. What’s worse, the rumor was started by the kids.

A Republican Oklahoma state representative has introduced an “Oklahoma Citizen's Proclamation for Morality” that blames the current economic crisis on “debauchery.” It probably won’t pass since most Oklahomans think “debauchery” is de vegetable that de first President Bush hated to eat.

According to a new study, up to 12 percent of all journalists who have covered armed conflicts have PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. It sounds bad until you compare it to the fact that 90 percent of all journalists are suffering from PNSD, or post-newspaper stress disorder.

Toyota is considering supplying a version of its Prius hybrid car to General Motors. This could be just the thing GM needs since it has years of experience selling cars that are past their prime.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is back home after spending six days in a hospital being treated for flu-like symptoms. The 92-year-old actress refused to leave until she was sure three celebrities had died.

Simon Cowell has reportedly been offered $144 million to stay with “American Idol” for another year. That includes health insurance to cover him in case he accidentally sips from Paula Abdul’s Coke cup.

A survey conducted in 20 nations found that U.S. President Barack Obama is the most trusted leader in the world. Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finished a surprising second, although he dropped to last after the votes were actually counted.

Concert promoter AEG Live says ticket-holders for Michael Jackson's planned London concerts can get a full refund or a commemorative ticket. And if it turns out he’s not his children’s biological father, they may be offered the same deal.

Organizers of the Gathering of Elizabeths in Elizabeth, Ill., say 364 women named Elizabeth showed up for this year's event. As in previous years, the high point was burning in effigy the person who came up with the nickname “Betty.”

A 10-year-old girl set a world record by coaxing 567 worms out of the ground during Britain's World Worm Charming Championships. Not surprisingly, her goal in life is to become a doctor specializing in the treatment of erectile dysfunction.

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