Monday, September 8, 2008

Belichick has a cheerleader ready to step in

In an interview in Rome, Vice President Dick Cheney said there’s nothing stopping Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin from being an effective vice president. Too bad he didn’t mention which country he was referring to.

It looks like New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady may miss the rest of the season due to an injury suffered in the first game. Luckily, coach Bill Belichick is a big fan of John McCain and has a cheerleader ready to step in.

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama held his daughters' hands and escorted them to their first day of school. Talk about embarrassing. One of their friends asked him a question and they found out he’s not smarter than a fifth grader.

Comedy Central announced that Stephen Colbert’s DNA will be digitized and sent to the International Space Station. John Edwards was hoping to have his DNA sent into space too, but NASA wouldn’t allow him to put it inside a cute female astronaut.

Proving that you should never throw anything away, the new hurricane heading for the Gulf of Mexico has caused oil prices to rise enough that Exxon is asking Republicans if any of them still have any buttons that say “I Like Ike.”

President Bush hosted his last T-ball game on the South Lawn over the weekend. Bush caused quite a scare among the young players when he forgot to tell them he was talking about baseball when he said, “I hope you all get drafted someday.”

Jim Zorn, the new head coach of the Washington Redskins, spent a few hours bike riding with President Bush over the weekend. Bush gave Zorn a few plays to run and, just like with the surge, he warned Zorn not to listen to any of his coaches.

JetBlue Airways is auctioning off more than 300 roundtrip flights and six vacation packages this week on eBay. If you’re the winning bidder, you’re advised to take the trips before JetBlue is up for auction on eBay.

A geneticist from Texas A&M University is studying the bison herd at Camp Pendleton in California to determine if the animals are genetically pure. He’s especially interested in a small group that have blonde fur and can raise one hoof straight out in a salute.

The Ohio State University Medical Center will be the site next month of a conference focusing on personalized healthcare. Sounds fishy. The conference is on the same weekend as a big home football game and all of the health care providers have seats on the field near the team doctor.

Actor Will Smith reportedly plans to star in the film "The Last Pharaoh" which is based on the story of Taharqa, the pharaoh who battled Assyrian invaders starting around 677 B.C. Since the movie is scheduled for a July 4th release, Will is changing the story to have the pharaoh be able to fly and have the Assyrians invade from their base on Jupiter.

In an odd coincidence, a 40-year-old New York musician named John McCain has been told he looks like Barack Obama. In an even odder coincidence, his wife wants a $313,000 outfit to wear to an Usher concert.

Police in Utah say actor Gary Coleman hit a pedestrian with his truck after arguing with him in a local bowling alley. The argument started when Coleman bent over near the ball return and the man stuck his fingers in his ears and mouth.

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