Friday, September 12, 2008

Order the North Korean army to brush his teeth for him

In response to a question from Charles Gibson on her foreign policy experience, Sarah Palin said, “They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.” And if she needs a broader view, there’s that globe on her desk.

Police in Florida arrested a man who fired a gun and chased his neighbor with a machete after two arguments over watering plants. Under the Palin administration, these men would have been ordered to pray for rain.

In Barack Obama’s latest ad, John McCain is shown in the early '80s wearing giant glasses and an out-of-style suit. Or as Sarah Palin calls it …“Sunday best.”

Police in Valentine, Nebraska, are looking for a man who greases up the windows of businesses and then rubs his naked rear in it to leave an imprint. They’re asking residents to be on the lookout for anyone who keeps sliding down in his seat.

Paparazzi at LAX airport in Los Angeles got faked out by a woman disguised as Jamie Lynn Spears while the real Jamie Lynn and her baby snuck out a different door. The decoy was so realistic, she now has her own show on the Disney Channel.

The most downloaded ring-tone in India is one called “Condom a Capella” that sings the word “condom” over and over. In a related story, Sarah Palin asked John McCain if he knew a Beach Boys song with words she could change to “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb India.”

O.J. Simpson will have an all-white jury for his kidnapping and robbery trial in Las Vegas. Even worse, all of them are Las Vegas residents, which means they’ve never worn gloves, whether they fit or not.

According to the latest report, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has recovered enough from his stroke that he can brush his teeth on his own. They’ll know he’s well when he’s able to order the entire North Korean army to brush his teeth for him.

School officials in Tabora, Tanzania, said 20 girls experienced a mass fainting spell after finishing their first of three papers for an exam. It was their first multiple-choice test and the young girls were exhausted from doing eenie-meenie-miney-moe.

Boxer and co-host of “American Gladiators” Laila Ali has given her dad, Muhammad Ali, a baby granddaughter. Mother and daughter are doing fine, but Laila’s doctor needed stitches over his eye after spanking the baby without giving her a standing eight-count first.

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