Thursday, September 4, 2008

A George Hamilton wing

Sports reporters in Orlando say they were shocked when they dialed a number for a teleconference with the University of Central Florida’s football coach and got a phone sex line instead. I think I speak for all football fans when I say, “Yeah, right.”

A scientist at the University of Tokyo conducted a test using apples dropped in a bucket and found that elephants, besides having a good memory, are also good at counting and basic math. He also found that elephants who are told they got the wrong answer are good at stomping on scientists.

Police in Germany are looking for a skateboarder who used a boost from a motorcycle to travel 62 mph down the Ulm-Stuttgart motorway. If I’m not mistaken, that’s also the Republican Party’s plan for creating new fuel-efficient vehicles.

Coca-Cola announced a promotion tied to the new James Bond movie that will temporarily rename Coke Zero to Coke Zero Zero Seven. The cans will have a special label warning that, in spite of what Bond says, the drink should not be shaken.

According to a new study conducted at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, more than 25 percent of the students surveyed reported symptoms of addiction to tanning. It’s getting to be such a problem, the Betty Ford Clinic is planning to open a George Hamilton wing.

Police in Athens-Clarke, Georgia, arrested a 23-year-old woman who they say started mooning motorists after she received a ticket for jaywalking. Motorists were begging the cop to give her a ticket for illegal parking so she’d go topless too.

A Maryland country commissioner has proposed a law that would ban sex between state elected officials and their employees unless they’re married. Sounds like a great way to get rid of incumbents in states that don’t have term limits.

In Major League Baseball’s first use of instant replay, umpires ruled a home run by Yankee Alex Rodriguez was fair. In the second use of instant replay, the umpires ruled that a hot dog vendor shortchanged a customer while everyone was waiting for the first ruling.

Police in Port St. Lucie, Florida, are looking for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse and left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast. Apparently the cross-dresser was trying to look like another 74-year-old woman.

An Illinois man is free on bond after being accused of setting another man's pants on fire while drinking and camping in the backyard. He’s hoping to convince the jury that the accuser is lying and that’s what ignited his pants.

NASA announced the creation of the Carl Sagan Postdoctoral Fellowships in Exoplanet Exploration to help find new astronomers to carry on Sagan’s work. Applicants for the fellowship are requested to submit a resume, their college transcripts and a recording of them saying “billions and billions and billions.”

David Spade's publicist confirmed the actor has a new baby daughter, his first child, with Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace. You can tell the girl is Spade’s daughter because none of the other babies in the nursery like her.

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