Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Jose Conseco Street

The band Heart isn’t having much success getting the McCain campaign to stop using its song "Barracuda" at rallies in honor of Sarah Palin’s high school nickname, “Sarah Barracuda.” Wait till McCain and Palin find out the Obama campaign is trying to get the rights to “Piggies” by the Beatles and “Pigs” by Pink Floyd.

The mother of Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young says he doesn't want to play football anymore and is "hurting inside and out" because he was booed during last Sunday’s loss to Jacksonville. If he thinks it’s bad now, wait until he reads the emails from every owner who drafted him on their fantasy football team.

Tour de France organizers say they’re open to letting Lance Armstrong returning for a shot at an eighth victory but aren’t too thrilled about it. They wish he would have done it this year so they could have seen Kate Hudson on the victory stand in bicycle pants.

Barack Obama refuses to give in to Republican demands that he apologize to Sarah Palin for his “lipstick on a pig” comment. In a related story, Sarah Palin refuses to apologize to non-transsexual Democratic members of the Loyal Order of Moose for her comments about “dressing a moose.”

In Switzerland, the world's largest particle collider passed its first major tests by firing two beams of protons in opposite directions around a 17-mile underground ring. The tests almost had to be called off because of a loose screw, but luckily everyone there had a Swiss army knife.

A restaurant owner in Lebanon was having oysters for lunch with his wife when she discovered a cluster of 26 pearls inside an oyster on her plate. Talk about a stroke of luck. His wife was so happy with the pearls, the owner didn’t have to eat any more oysters.

Air New Zealand is looking for 70 bald men willing to stand in lines in three airports while wearing temporary advertising tattoos on the back of their heads so they can be seen by people lining up behind them. The bald men will be paid $660, part of which they’ll spend on hats to wear when there’s flight delays.

A Miami-Dade county official wants Jose Conseco Street, named for the steroid-using retired player, changed to something else. People who use it are complaining that the speed bumps mysteriously grew to three feet high.

Police in southeastern Pennsylvania think scrap-metal thieves are behind the recent disappearance of a radio transmission tower. Either that or the Obama campaign finally figured out a way to silence Rush Limbaugh.

Research in Motion Ltd., the maker of BlackBerry phones, has unveiled the BlackBerry Pearl Flip which folds in half like most cell phones. The new phone is recommended by doctors who say flipping it open will finally give so-called crackberry addicts something else to do with their thumbs.

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