Monday, July 21, 2008

Honda, We Have A Problem!

Texas regulators have approved a $4.93 billion wind-power transmission project to develop wind energy in the state. Unfortunately, most of the Texas wind energy will go to powering the state’s oil pumps.

Barack Obama banned copies of the New Yorker with the controversial cartoon of him on the cover from his plane. He also asked the pilot and co-pilot to stop fist-bumping every time the plane landed safely.

All-Pro lineman Jason Taylor, runner-up on Dancing With The Stars, was traded from the Miami Dolphins to the Washington Redskins. Miami got two future draft picks and Dancing With The Stars winner Kristi Yamaguchi as a backup head cheerleader.

Starting in September, Howie Mandel will host a daily half-hour syndicated version of “Deal or No Deal” with a top prize of $500,000 plus a $10,000 weekly prize for the viewing audience. This is great news for a small Hollywood employment agency, “Women Who Can Walk And Carry Briefcases At The Same Time.”

Salim Hamdan, a former driver for Osama bin Laden, pleaded not guilty in the first U.S. war crimes trial since World War II. Hamdan is hoping to eventually plea-bargain his charge down to DWOTWWITBS: Driving While Oblivious To Who Was In The Back Seat.

A federal appeals court threw out the FCC’s $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Janet Jackson's famous “wardrobe malfunction.” The judge got a call from Janet Jackson thanking him for keeping her name in the news without having to dangle a baby off of a balcony.

The World Santa Claus Congress is underway in Copenhagen, Denmark, with 136 Kris Kringles from around the world in attendance. The most popular seminar was one on dealing with what to tell kids who ask them to haul gallons of gasoline down the chimney.

A spa in Alexandria, Virginia, is offering an unusual pedicure where you place your feet in a water tank and have tiny carp nibble off the dead skin. It’s so popular, the owner is now training a school of tiny flying fish to do facials.

Showtime is planning a new TV reality series called “Lock N’ Load” which will use a hidden camera to tape customers shopping for firearms at a gun store. And to prevent rifle rage, the host will pop up singing the cute jingle: “Smile! You’re on Handgun Camera!”

Brothels in Sydney reported a 20 percent increase in business during Pope Benedict XVI's visit to Australia. Not surprisingly, the local churches also reported a 20 percent increase in confessions.

NASA officials have begun negotiations to purchase several unmanned cargo spacecrafts from the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency. If anything goes wrong with them, we’ll hear this message: “Honda, we have a problem.”

Chinese officials say they're increasing efforts to crack down on ticket scalping at the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing. I’m not implying that China has human rights problems, but isn’t it a little severe to punish scalpers by scalping them?

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