Thursday, July 24, 2008

Pamela Anderson's new reality show: "Big Bra-ther"

Here’s how popular Barack Obama is in Germany. His name was put on their “suspected terrorist” list so hundreds of female security guards at the airport could frisk him.

More bad news for John McCain. He’s the one with the connection to the beer industry but Germany honored his opponent with a new brew called Bock Obama.

Australian actress Mia Wasikowska is reportedly going to play Alice in Tim Burton's big-screen version of “Alice in Wonderland.” Amy Winehouse wanted the role, but dropped out when she was told the pills to make Alice bigger or smaller wouldn’t actually work.

Pamela Anderson will star in new reality show. I think it’s called “Big Bra-ther.”

McDonald's is running ads in China supporting China’s Olympic athletes. I don’t speak Chinese, but by following the pictures I think the jingle is: “Two all-beef egg rolls, soy sauce, bok choy, beans, tofu, wontons, on a rice flour bun.”

Ford Motor Company lost $8.67 billion in the second quarter. Ford is in such bad shape, it plans to retool an SUV plant in Michigan to make license plate holders for Toyotas and Hondas.

Japanese and Mongolian scientists have successfully recovered the complete skeleton of a 70-million-year-old young dinosaur called a Tarbosaurus. The finding of the fossils of such a young dinosaur saddened President Bush because it could have grown up to become a barrel of oil.

Government scientists from the U.S. Geological Survey estimate that about 90 billion barrels of oil and nearly a third of the world's undiscovered natural gas remain untapped under an area north of the Arctic Circle. You can tell the Bush administration plans to drill for this oil because it’s spreading rumors that Santa has moved to the South Pole.

About 2 million Americans got a raise this week as the federal minimum wage rose by 70 cents to $6.55 an hour. The only place most stores expect to see the effects of this increase is in their ‘take-a-penny, give-a-penny’ cups.

A family court judge in New Zealand ordered the parents of 9-year-old girl to change the poor kid’s name to something other than Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. It’s a good thing she’s a girl because the boy’s name the parents had picked was Lance Does The Chicken Dance From France. announced that its second-quarter earnings more than doubled and CEO Jeff Bezos said increased fuel prices may give it a “relative advantage” over other retailers. He also said that Amazon customers who liked its second-quarter numbers might also like reading its financial statement on a new Kindle.

According to a report in the journal Human Reproduction, eating a half serving a day of soy-based foods could be enough to significantly lower a man's sperm count. That explains why the NBA is hoping to clean up its reputation by asking players to eat more soy.

Despite his terrible popularity poll numbers, President Bush's photograph remains popular on the walls of U.S. senators in Washington, with 27 senators from both parties displaying his picture in their offices. The other 73 senators have Bush’s picture in their filing cabinets under “P” for “paper airplane materials.”

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