Caroline Kennedy’s political career isn’t over yet. Word out of the Washington is that President Obama will hire her to deprogram his daughters after they got advice on living in the White House from the Bush twins
President Barack Obama signed an order to close the Guantanamo Bay prison within one year. This marks the first time that a decision about the prison was made without first asking, “What would Jack Bauer do?”
For the first time, the Louvre Museum in Paris will have an exhibit featuring a comic strip. George W. Bush immediately accused the Louvre of copying the idea from his presidential library.
Ty Inc., the company that makes Beanie Babies, is coming out with two new dolls named Sweet Sasha and Marvelous Malia that it claims are not based on the Obama girls. And if you believe that, I’d like to show you my new Bigmouth Joe Bobblehead doll.
There’s a moving van parked outside the vice presidential residence even though all of Dick Cheney’s stuff is gone. This one was sent over by President Obama to take away all of Joe Biden’s joke books.
Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton got a warm welcome from all of the department employees on her first day on the job. That’ll change the day she comes in and fires all of the cute chubby female ones.
Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has signed with the William Morris Agency to help her get speaking engagements and book deals. Former President George W. Bush is looking for an agent to help him get on Deal or No Deal or Wheel of Fortune.
Russia’s Space Agency says people on the ground are in no danger from fragments that broke off of a Soviet-era nuclear-powered satellite. I’d feel better if the Russian army wasn’t planning to invade Poland for extra hard hats and helmets.
Word out of Cuba is that Fidel Castro watched the U.S. inauguration on television. Castro put in a satellite dish when he found out the Yankees had more Cuban players than his Olympic team.
According to the American Kennel Club, the Labrador retriever is America’s favorite purebred dog for the 18th straight year. President Obama is hoping to find his daughters a mutt that looks like one, which would make it a Labrador Deceiver.
Washington D.C. officials say 1.8 million people witnessed the inauguration of Barack Obama. The official count had been held up until they examined pictures to insure that was really Dick Cheney and not a mannequin in a wheelchair.
The National Security Agency has approved the $3,350 Sectera Edge spy-proof smartphone to replace President Obama’s BlackBerry. This phone is so secure, Obama will need ten passwords just to text in his vote to American Idol.
Steve Martin has agreed to make his 15th appearance as host of “Saturday Night Live.” He’s hoping to get Dan Aykroyd back to play Larry Craig and Barney Frank as Two Wild And Crazy Gays.