Thursday, January 15, 2009

Raiders of the Lost Sponge

Ricardo Montalban passed away at the age of 88. In his honor, President Bush went before the American people and compared his time as president to Fantasy Island.

Britain’s The Sun tabloid newspaper apologized to Sharon Osbourne for a story that falsely accused her of overworking her rock star husband, Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy is now suing Sharon’s lawyer for winning the case.

Thousands of video applications have poured in for what’s called “The Best Job in the World” -- six months of blogging for Australia's Queensland Department of Tourism for $100,000 plus free oceanfront housing. If that’s what Australians call the best job in the world, they haven’t been watching enough porn.

Kim Jong Il, the leader of North Korea, has picked his third son, Kim Jong Un, to be his successor. Learning from the mistakes of others, the leader passed over his first son, Kim Jong W.

It was so cold yesterday in Chicago, Rod Blagojevich called Roland Burris to see if his new Senate seat was heated.

It’s expected to be so cold in Washington for the inauguration, the Secret Service hired two really small agents to cover Obama’s ears.

It was so cold yesterday in New York, for a change Bernie Madoff was forced to burn his own money.

The National Zoo in Washington issued a public appeal for bamboo because the food supply for the zoo's giant pandas is dangerously low. Not only that, the zoo can’t afford for the pandas to call out for Chinese every night.

Administrators at Monroe Hospital in Bloomington, Indiana, say one of the three numbers listed for the hospital in the latest AT&T phone book connects callers to a phone sex line. This explains why the hospital’s treatments for erectile dysfunction are way down.

A new study found that the 50,000-volt Taser stun devices police use to subdue suspects do not cause fatal heart attacks. That’s why police academies now train officers to chase suspects towards puddles, pools and hot tubs.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee voted 16-1 for Hillary Rodham Clinton to become the next secretary of state, with only Louisiana Republican David Vitter voting against her. To show there’s no hard feelings, Senator Clinton promised that she’d giving Vitter a running start.

Steve Carell, who plays Michael Scott on "The Office," recently purchased a 155-year-old general store in the Massachusetts town where he lives part-time. Then he put it back up for sale when he found out it didn’t come with a Dwight.

Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser are teaming up to star in a medical drama set in a hospital. I think it’s called “Raiders of the Lost Sponge.”

No comments:

Post a Comment