Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Crappalachian Trail

President Obama admits he likes the snow in D.C. because it reminds him of Chicago. His favorite part is when local weather reporters refer to blizzard conditions as a “whiteout.”

Scientists studying the DNA of a man who lived in Greenland about 4,000 years ago have determined that he had the genetic trait for baldness. It appear the man knew he was going bald because his head was covered with ground-up black birds, which he called “Crow-gain.”

Hyde Park in London is setting aside an exercise area with low-impact equipment for out-of-shape older people. Or as they’re referred to in London: Westminster flabbies.

According to an article in the International Journal of Epidemiology, there's a possibility that the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early. Republicans plan to use this to accuse Al Gore of attempted mass murder.

Rangers in the Bridger-Teton National Forest in Wyoming say dog poop is piling up on paths where people go hiking and cross-country skiing with their dogs. It’s so bad, the main path is now known as the Crappalachian Trail.

A court in Saudi Arabia has upheld a sentence of five years in jail and 1,000 lashes for a Saudi man who had bragged about his sexual escapades on television. This explains why Saudi Arabia has no national basketball team.

Scott Brown, the newly-elected Republican senator from Massachusetts, says he’s writing a book that will combine memoir and inspiration. Since his previous claim to fame is posing nude in Cosmo, he should call it “Clothing Rogue.”

Honda has added 437,000 vehicles to its 15-month-old global recall for faulty air bags. This is the worst year for Japanese carmakers since the year the United Nations banned the use of 10-W-30 whale oil.

Rachel Uchitel, one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses, has reportedly been offered a job on the entertainment TV show “Extra” as a special correspondent. She has plenty of experience since doing extras and specials is what got her the job with Tiger.

Jeff Probst signed a deal to stay with “Survivor” next season for the 21st and 22nd installments. CBS would like to replace him with someone cheaper but their hands are tied since he has an immunity necklace.

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