Tuesday, February 9, 2010

List of “Top Ten Feet Before Hitting The Floor.”

Rev. Ricky Kirton, the pastor who married Tiger and Elin Woods, says he “started to pray” for the couple after Tiger’s car accident. But when the number of Tiger’s affairs kept growing, he gave up praying and called the pope to see if he could borrow a really large confessional.

Rumors are flying about Donald Trump’s third marriage after he’s been spotted alone the past few weekends in Palm beach. Not to mention all the times he’s been seen in stores walking up to Valentine’s Day displays and telling Cupid “You’re fired!”

Drew Brees visited Disney World this week as a reward for winning the Super Bowl XLIV MVP award. Out of habit, he helped the Pirates of the Caribbean come from behind to defeat the East India Trading Company.

The snowy weather in Washington D.C. shut down the U.S. House for the rest of the week, but lobbyists stayed open. The temperature doesn’t bother them since they’re used to working with cold hard cash.

South Carolina's state government passed a “Subversive Activities Registration Act” requiring members of subversive organizations to register with the Secretary of State. Wouldn’t it be easier just to collect the nametags after the next Tea Party meeting?

"The Jay Leno Show" aired its final episode on Tuesday night. NBC decided to let it die quietly, kind of like all of the previous episodes.

The half-mile-high Burj Khalifa in Dubai, the world’s tallest building, was shut down after an elevator got stuck between floors, trapping the people in it and those on the 124th floor observation deck for 45 minutes. On the upside, four couples who were stuck are now members of the half-mile-high club.

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will carry the Olympic torch as part of the opening ceremony at the Vancouver Games. Does Arnold holding a flame make him Conan the Bar-B-Q-barian?

The producer of the British version of “I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here” was convicted of animal cruelty after two reality show contestants skinned, cooked and ate a rat during filming in Australia. They would have gotten away with it if they had only remembered to say, “Let’s throw another rat on the bar-bee, mate.”

The British government has asked designers to come up with a replacement for the old-fashioned drafty open-backed hospital gowns. Doctors and nurses there began demanding it after Prince Charles brought Camilla in for a checkup.

Rap star Lil Wayne, who was convicted of attempted gun possession, got a temporary reprieve from going to jail so he could have some dental work done. He wants to have his grill replaced with one that can file through bars.

Biff Henderson, the stage manager for the “Late Show with David Letterman,” was treated at a New York hospital for a knee injury after he fell off the stage catching a ball Letterman tossed him. Henderson was released and went to work on the list of “Top Ten Feet Before Hitting The Floor.”

No comments:

Post a Comment