Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Bush used up all of the Air Force One frequent flier miles

Police in Vermont arrested a school bus driver for slamming on the brakes to discipline children on her bus when they misbehaved. None of the kids were seriously injured and she’s already gotten an offer to drive an SUV for the octo-mom.

A man claiming to be an illegal immigrant ran naked down a street in Port St. Lucie, Florida, hoping he’d get sent back to Mexico. Unfortunately, before he gets deported to the home of the enchilada, he’ll have to pay a fine for showing his taco bells.

A woman in Texas called 911 to report she didn't get as much shrimp as she wanted in her fried rice at a restaurant. The police didn’t respond to the call since they only rush to restaurants where customers complain about not enough sprinkles on the donuts.

Two New Jersey men who staged a UFO hoax by tying lit road flares to helium balloons were fined and ordered to perform 50 hours of community service. The men begged for jail instead when they were told the community service was picking up trash at night on a deserted country road known for alien abductions and probing.

Levi Johnston, father of Bristol Palin’s baby, appeared on television again to complain that the family of Governor Sarah Palin is treating him like an outcast. It’s interesting that Levi only shows up in cities where spring has arrived and there’s no chance he’ll be run over by a snowmobile.

President Obama returned to Washington after an eight-day, six country trip that ended with a surprise stop in Iraq. Obama was so well received overseas, the first thing he did when he got back to the White House was call George W. Bush and thank him.

President Obama returned to Washington after an eight-day, six country trip that ended with a surprise stop in Iraq. Obama had other stops planned but the pilot said he couldn’t because former President George W. Bush had used up all of the Air Force One frequent flier miles.

John Holden, President Obama’s new science adviser, says global warming is such a big problem, he may recommend shooting pollution particles into the upper atmosphere to reflect the sun's rays and cool the atmosphere. And to make the pollution even cooler, the tobacco industry suggests adding menthol.

A Russian Soyuz space capsule carrying billionaire Charles Simonyi and a Russian-American crew touched down safely in Kazakhstan. Simonyi paid $60 million for the two trips, but the second one was slightly more because he checked two bags.

Evolutionary anthropologists in Germany say they’ve observed that female chimpanzees mate more frequently with males who often share meat with them. And just like humans, the female chimps mated less with male chimps who brought them meat from McDonald’s.

The Walgreen’s drug store chain is refusing to sell a Chia Obama plant in its stores, even though the maker says it’s “totally patriotic.” How can it be patriotic? Does it grow a money tree?

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