Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Chased by giant fruit flies who looked like Grace Slick

Olympic gold medalist Ricky Berens tore the back of his swimsuit in competition at the World Swimming Championships in Rome and exposed his rear to the fans. Everyone else was swimming the freestyle while he did the butt-erfly.

Scientists have discovered that the compound Brilliant Blue G can help heal spinal cord injuries but also turns the patient’s skin bright blue. That explains why the guy in the wheelchair on “Handicapped Parking” signs is never a Smurf.

Former quarterback Michael Vick has been conditionally reinstated by the NFL and can join a team and possibly play for a part of this season. Any team that signs him should first find a trainer who can tape both ankles and mouths.

According to a new study, a driver texting on a cell phone is 23.2 times as likely to be in a crash as an undistracted driver. On the other hand, a driver who is texting is 23.2 times more likely to have 100 Facebook friends there in minutes to claim it was the other driver’s fault.

Kim Kardashian's publicist says she and pro football player Reggie Bush have broken up after two years of dating. Kim was upset he didn’t list the number of times they had sex before a win in last season’s stats.

A New York man suffered second- and third-degree burns after his wife allegedly poured scalding water on his crotch for cheating on her. The wife was charged with assault and her lawyer will be paid for by the group Wives of Republican Senators.

New York's first Las Vegas-style wedding chapel has opened on the Lower East Side. You can tell it’s in New York because the Elvis impersonator shoves the couple down the aisle to make room for the next one.

Two U.S. scientists trying to learn more about human psychosis and schizophrenia are studying rats and fruit
flies that have taken LSD. In one test, the rats ran through the maze in record time thinking they were being chased by giant fruit flies who looked like Grace Slick.

Republican Senator and Baseball Hall of Fame member Jim Bunning announced he will not seek re-election to his Kentucky seat next year. Although he’s 72, Bunning feels he can do more for the right in Washington by becoming a right-handed relief pitcher for the Nationals.

Police in Milwaukee arrested a man accused of stealing more than $45,000 worth of eyeglasses from stores because he enjoys being around eyewear. He stole more than 500 pairs of glasses, but his lawyer says he should only be charged for 250 since the second pair was free.

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