Friday, July 31, 2009

The “tastes great-less filling” summit

According to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, scientists in Europe used mosquitoes as flying needles to deliver a “vaccine” of live malaria parasites that would immunize the person they bit. Looks like we Americans aren’t the only ones getting stung by our health care providers.

The bomb squad was called out to inspect a suspicious package discovered outside Oprah Winfrey's Harpo Studios in Chicago and determined it was harmless. Oprah was so relieved, she ran around the audience yelling, “You get a bomb-sniffing dog! You get a bomb-sniffing dog! Everybody gets a bomb-sniffing dog!

Debbie Rowe, the mother of Michael Jackson's two oldest children, will get $4 million as part of a child custody deal that will allow the kids to stay with their grandmother. Rowe plans to use part of the money for psychiatric treatment to help her stop feeling so icky all over.

“Seinfeld” co-creator Larry David is reuniting the cast of “Seinfeld” for the finale of his current show, “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Based on how their careers have gone since then, the episode should be called “Curse Your Enthusiasm.”

According to a new poll, only 42 percent of Republicans believe that President Barack Obama was born in the United States. The rest can’t find Hawaii, Obama’s stated birthplace, on a globe because it doesn’t look anything like the flat one they have at home.

The House has approved an additional $2 billion for the “Cash for clunkers” program, which has already spent the first $1 billion it was allocated. Some of the money will come from recycled aluminum cans from President Obama’s new “Beer for diplomacy” program.

Researchers at Zurich University have found that people who live in the Swiss Alps have fewer heart problems than those living in valleys. They’re not sure if it’s due to the altitude, food or exercise from trying to keep from sliding down the mountains using nothing but a Swiss army knife.

Police in Michigan arrested a man who assaulted a female friend for refusing to sell him Park Place and Boardwalk while playing Monopoly. The man went directly to jail in a silver car and did not have the $200 needed for bail.

Swimming's governing body FINA has decided to ban the new record-breaking swimsuits starting on January 1. That gives swimmers five more months before they have to go back to using those painful eight-blade body hair razors.

After having a beer with president Obama and Vice President Biden, Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Cambridge police Sgt. Joseph Crowley agreed to disagree. At that point, the so-called “beer summit” became the “tastes great-less filling” summit.

After being pulled over for a traffic violation, a woman in Georgia was arrested when police found $13,000 worth of methamphetamine in her bra. The cops got suspicious when her breasts kept trying to hide behind her back.

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