Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Yahooters!

A new study reports that the ultraviolet radiation from tanning beds is as dangerous as arsenic. The only thing this study accomplished was to inspire Judd Apatow to start on a new movie called “Tanning Bed and Old Lace.”

Commenting on his recent broken wrist due to a fall, Pope Benedict XVI said, “Unfortunately, my own guardian angel did not prevent my injury, certainly following superior orders.” This is the same guardian angel he blamed for not stopping him from staring at First Lady Michelle Obama’s legs.

Fox News Channel commentator Glenn Beck says he believes President Barack Obama is a racist. He came to this conclusion while listening to Obama’s last press conference using his Rush Limbaugh secret decoder headphones.

The front page of Israel's biggest daily newspaper is carrying articles in Hebrew written by Madonna under her Hebrew name of Esther. I don’t read Hebrew but I think one of them is about how you can get arms like her by pumping bagels.

Quarterback Brett Favre has decided not to come out of retirement and play for the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings are now testing face-covering helmets that will hide a player’s identity in hopes of secretly signing Michael Vick.

Insiders in the radio industry say Sarah Palin’s representatives “have been quietly testing the waters to see how much interest radio syndicators have for her.” Palin will be a tough sell on radio unless they can figure out a way to broadcast the sound effect of a wink.

A Russian group has asked Madonna to dress modestly and sing a revolutionary song when she performs in St. Petersburg this weekend. Madonna is hoping they’ll accept her wearing a fur bikini and singing a Russian version of one of her hits, “Like A Frozen Virgin.”

Police in Atlanta arrested a woman for allegedly running a strip club in her basement. Neighbors started to get suspicious lat Christmas when she gave them all gift-wrapped boxes of dollar bills.

The mayor of Venice, Italy, called the police after he caught a tourist urinating into a canal. The man apparently thought he was in Las Vegas.

Microsoft and Yahoo! have worked out a deal where Yahoo! will provide Microsoft’s new search engine, Bing. In retaliation, Google is redirecting all searches containing an exclamation point to a porn site called Yahooters!

A study of 2,000 U.S. women ages 45-80 found that 60 percent of them had been sexually active in the previous three months. For a complete list of their names, check out the Twitter followers of Ashton Kutcher.

Some health officials are warning that college students need to take steps to protect themselves from the swine flu virus by getting two flu shots. University infirmaries are hoping to entice students to get the shots by offering them with salt and limes.

Flower and gift retailer 1-800-Flowers.com has become the first company to open a store for its products on Facebook. They hope to target married guys who post comments indicating they’re guilty of something.

1 comment:

  1. 1-800-Flowers is opening up the first Facebook retail store, allowing consumers the chance to get products directly through the social networking site.

    ReplyDelete