Monday, July 20, 2009

Simon Cowell’s lips move slightly every time her manager speaks

According to a new book, the Bush twins gave Secret Service agents headaches by sneaking out, speeding and bar-hopping. The worst part was when the agents brought the girls back to the White House and had to explain to their angry father why he wasn’t allowed to go along.

Paula Abdul's new manager says she may not be returning to “American Idol.” So far she hasn’t noticed that Simon Cowell’s lips move slightly every time her manager speaks.

Former Miss California USA Carrie Prejean has landed a deal for a book called “Still Standing.” Like her early pictures, the book’s jacket will fly off for no apparent reason.

Walter Breuning of Great Falls, Mont., is 112 years old and the new world's oldest known man. He credits his longevity to moderation, keeping busy and having electric candles on his birthday cake.

Tito, Marlon, Jermaine and Jackie Jackson, the surviving members of the Jackson 5, are in negotiations to take over some of the concerts Michael was going to perform at before his death. No terms were released, but the deal is off if LaToya comes along.

According to the latest polls, President Obama's approval ratings are down across the board. Things are so bad, he’s hired an extra Secret Service agent to throw himself between the president and a camera if Obama starts to sweat.

Police in Turin, Italy, say three nuns were caught driving 120 mph on their way to visit Pope Benedict XVI after he broke his wrist in a fall. The nun driving was fined $536 by the police and ordered by the pope to say ten Our Fathers and Hail Marys.

Dating experts say single senior Americans are turning to the Internet to find love. Online dating sties are perfect for seniors since they can’t see well enough to notice their date looks nothing like their picture.

Guinness World Records says a 150-pound cupcake on display at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn., is the largest cupcake in the world. It will be listed in the record book next to the largest Twinkie in the world … Richard Simmons.

Former NFL quarterback Michael Vick is finally a free man after 20 months in federal prison and three months in home confinement. He’s still under a restraining order to stay 100 yards away from dogs, people dressed as dogs and talent show judges who constantly say “Dawg.”

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, the first men on the moon, told President Obama to focus on putting a man on Mars. Obama needs some incentive, like a promise from NASA that the men sent to Mars will be Republican senators.

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