Astronomers have discovered a gigantic planet that is trying to commit suicide by orbiting closer and closer to its sun. Maybe they should have Pluto talk to it about how it overcame suicidal thoughts after being downgraded from planet status.
Concert-goers in Bucharest, Romania, booed Madonna after she criticized discrimination against Gypsies. Madonna couldn’t understand why they didn’t agree with her that people should be allowed to do musicals about old strippers.
The Dutch national museum has embarrassingly admitted that one of its prized possessions, a moon rock thought to have been brought back by U.S. astronauts, is just a piece of petrified wood. Even more embarrassing, the jar of Tang next to it is actually orange Kool-Aid.
A Nashville prison inmate says he doesn’t plan to drop his lawsuit just because the prison returned his prosthetic leg after keeping it for a year. His lawyer is urging him to give up because a jury would have been more sympathetic if he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Michelle, Sasha and Malia made the list of the 1,000 most popular baby names, but Barack didn’t. There’s probably thousands of baby boys named Barack but all of their birth certificates have mysteriously disappeared.
A South Carolina man who builds discount wooden caskets in his backyard has been banned from selling them at a local flea market. The manager doesn’t have anything against caskets, but according to flea market rules, they must either be fried or on a stick.
The song “A Boy Like That” will now be sung in English in the Spanish revival of the Broadway musical “West Side Story” because audience members who don’t know Spanish aren’t getting its true meaning. I have the same problem with the menu at Taco Bell.
A 61-year-old man in Washington state accidentally shot himself in the leg while chasing an opossum that had been terrorizing his chickens. After leaving the hospital, he got a call from Plaxico Burress asking if he can use the possum story during his appeal.
A bankruptcy judge in Virginia approved Michael Vick's plan to repay creditors he owes $20 million to. That’s a good idea because the last thing Michael Vick wants is bill collectors dogging him.
At a town hall meeting in Arizona, Senator John McCain had security remove a woman who wouldn't stop yelling at him. McCain refused to apologize even after he found out it was Sarah Palin.
Government health officials are urging people not to panic over estimates of 90,000 people dying from swine flu this fall. Look on the bright side … it’ll make the lines shorter at the emergency room.
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