Bar Stool Boy?

Rush Limbaugh’s doctor says his condition is stable. This is the first time the words “Limbaugh” and “stable” have ever been used together.

Rush Limbaugh says his chest started pounding after playing golf. It’s nice to finally hear a golf story where the pounding occurred above the waist.

Russia's space agency says it may launch a spacecraft to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of it hitting the earth in 2029. NASA says it isn’t worried but the plan has inspired Zager and Evans to get back together and work on an update to the song “2525.”

Lawyers for Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke say the couple wants to try getting back together. They haven’t seen each other since Charlie allegedly put a knife to Brooke’s throat, but they’ve asked their lawyers to test the waters by giving each other a hug.

Texas Tech fired head football coach Mike Leach after the coach allegedly locked an injured player in a dark room. On the positive side, Leach has already received an offer to coach at Baghdad Tech.

The motorized bar stool from a drunken driving case in Ohio is back up for sale after the winning bidder in an eBay auction failed to show up. The bidder got cold feet when it was revealed he planned to give it to his young son for a reality show called “Bar Stool Boy.”

A new poll found that President Barack Obama and his family are the people Americans would most like to have as neighbors. Who wouldn’t? They’ve got a basketball court and a swing set and you don’t have to be invited to come over and use them.

Oregon State Police says a suspicious object spotted by an employee at their Albany offices turned out to be a teddy bear
in a plastic bag. They called in the bomb squad anyway because the teddy bear had one eye missing and was wearing funny-looking underpants.

Federal transportation officials announced they'll add 150 full-body scanners to the 40 already operating in U.S. airports. And to help quickly train operators to evaluate naked pictures of passengers, they’re hiring Hugh Hefner as a consultant.

A California man was sentenced to six months of house arrest for illegally smuggling six endangered fish through a Los Angeles airport. He’s probably kicking himself for not disguising the fish as a bomb.

The New York City Health Department wants to ban smoking by both passengers and drivers in horse-drawn buggies in Central Park. Some drivers plan to switch to donkeys because no one would dare try to stop New Yorkers from blowing smoke up your ass.

A woman is suing a New York bar claiming she suffered injuries and "embarrassment" when a stuffed moose head fell off a wall and hit her on the head. Bar owners say this is becoming a serious problem whenever female customers get drunk and start swapping Sarah Palin stories.

A new road de-icer called Magic Salt is made from a byproduct of the vodka distilling process. Sales are slow because it’s more expensive than salt and not as much fun as drinking a pitcher of vodka martinis and urinating on the driveway.