Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wipe

President Barack Obama says that his Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, is "an inspiring woman." Republicans can’t wait to start the grilling and turn her into a “perspiring woman.

If confirmed, Sonia Sotomayor would be the nation's first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. You can tell she’s Hispanic because every time Republicans say her name, their faces look like they’re suffering from Montezuma’s revenge.

A craps player in Atlantic City set a new record for the longest craps roll, winning on 154 consecutive rolls of the dice for four hours and 18 minutes at the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa. That makes it the longest official crap shoot. The longest unofficial crap shoot is still the war in Iraq.

A Japanese publisher is offering a horror novel printed on a roll of toilet paper for peop[le who can’t go unless they have the you-know-what scared out of them. I think it’s called Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wipe.

A stamp collector in Germany has discovered a rare stamp showing movie star Audrey Hepburn smoking - one of a series that was supposed to have been destroyed by the German government. Being a typical stamp collector, he nearly ruined the stamp by licking the side with Audrey’s picture on it.

After giving one last concert, rapper T.I. arrived at a prison in Arkansas to begin serving a year and a day for trying to buy unregistered machine guns and silencers. Once he completes his sentence, he has the option of entering a halfway house or appearing on “Dancing With The Stars.”

North Korea is ignoring warnings from the rest of the world and firing more short-range missiles. President Obama checked a file former President George W. Bush left him on dealing with North Korea, but all it had was a DVD of the first season of “M.A.S.H.”

Red Bull Cola, a different product than the Red Bull energy drink, has been banned in six German states after scientific study found it contains trace amounts of cocaine. They got suspicious when grocery stores began noticing the 10-items-or-less lines clogged with people buying a six-pack and four straws.

A group of laid-off Russian flight attendants are on a hunger strike to obtain back wages owed to them. The strike could go on for a while because flight attendants know all kinds of places to stash little bags of pretzels.

According to a new poll, American adults who exercise for 30 minutes at least two days per week feel more rested and have more energy than those who don't. Especially if you exercise in the office instead of working.

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