Monday, May 11, 2009

Karma Custodian

Actress Mia Farrow says she was disappointed she couldn't keep up her hunger strike for more than 12 days. And the only thing that helped her avoid food for 122 days was a picture on her refrigerator of Woody Allen.

Boy George was released early from prison after serving only four months of his 15-month sentence for falsely imprisoning a male prostitute. He plans to release a song about his work detail in prison called Karma Custodian.

According to a new study, getting a massage after exercising doesn't improve circulation to the muscles or help remove lactic acid. On the other hand, the “happy ending” makes you feel like an All-American college football quarterback.

American journalist Roxana Saberi is free after being jailed for four months in Iran and her eight-year sentence on spying charges was suspended. Everyone is happy except Dick Cheney, who thought a real American would have served the sentence and then come home with some new and improved torture techniques.

Comedian Joan Rivers was hired and poker champ Annie Duke was fired at the end of the latest edition of “Celebrity Apprentice.” This proves once and for all that Donald Trump doesn’t trade sex for jobs.

When Asked about her husband John in a national interview, Elizabeth Edwards said “I do love him.” She should have suspected something when John said about the same thing when they renewed their wedding vows: “I do? Love? Hmmm.”

A teen in Findlay, Ohio, was suspended for attending another high school’s prom because the fundamentalist Baptist high school he attends forbids dancing, rock music and hand-holding. The principal at his school knew the boy had attended the prom because he could smell Purell on the kid’s hand.

President Obama met with several large medial industry trade groups that pledged to reduce the growth of health spending by 1.5 percentage points annually through cutting paperwork. Big deal. All this means is that if you want a sanitary surface to lie down on during your examination, you have to bring your own butcher paper.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says the U.S. has over 2,500 confirmed cases of the new H1N1 swine flu in 44 states. There’s no cases in Alaska, although Governor Plain says she can see people sneezing in Russia.

Millions of children, many wearing surgical masks, returned to school this week in Mexico. A number of kids had choking fits at lunch, not from the flu but from mistaking masks for soft tacos.

A 12-year-old boy is running for president in Iran. To show that he’s seriously preparing to debate adult candidates, he’s hired Jeff Foxworthy as his coach.

A Swedish helicopter fleet commander says his female crew members should be equipped with fireproof bras. It’s not that unusual. With all the smokers on their show, the producers are thinking about getting the fireproof bras for the female cast members of “Mad Men.”

Florida has opened its fifth faith-based prison where all inmates must attend religious programs run by church volunteers. I think it’s called Amazing Gates.

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