Monday, May 18, 2009

Write “Braveheart” on the board 100 times

Hundreds of people gathered at Liverpool Cathedral in England to hear John Lennon's anti-religion anthem "Imagine" played on its bells. This was a one-time performance and the pastor has already turned down a request from Mick Jagger to play “Sympathy for the Devil.”

Billionaire Richard Branson announced plans to launch an internet bank as part of his Virgin Money subsidiary. The tough part is figuring out how to get searches for “Virgin Money” to stop bringing up escort services.

According to a new study in Australia, tall people earn higher wages than their height-challenged counterparts. Big deal. That’s misleading because, when you factor out basketball players, the only time tall people make more than shorter people is during cherry-picking season.

A politician in the Philippines threatened Alec Baldwin with violence over a joke he told on “The Late Show with David Letterman” about getting a Filipino mail-order bride. The Philippines has a law against mail-order brides, but the big money these days is in mail-order grooms for same-sex marriages.

Woody Allen agreed to a $5 million settlement from American Apparel for using an image from “Annie Hall” of him as a rabbi without his permission. Woody plans to use the money to do a film about the case called “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Shmucks But Were Afraid To Ask.

“Sex and the City” actress has confirmed she’s engaged to her partner, Christine Marinoni. All she would say about their relationship is that their “Mr. Big” takes six D-cell batteries.

Caroline Kennedy denies claims in a new book that she ended her quest for the Senate because her kids and husband complained she was becoming an angry, intense person. On the other hand, that’s the reason why Bill Clinton encouraged Hillary to run for the Senate.

In Florida, the alleged madam of an $8.5 million celebrity Internet call girl service cut a plea bargain to reduce her punishment to probation, fines and house arrest. She also agreed to turn over her little black book after blacking out any customer names who requested girls wearing nothing but judges’ robes.

Legendary comedian Jerry Lewis will play his first leading role in more than 25 years in a new movie drama called “Max Rose.” Jerry took the serious part after reading in the script that the leading man gets to shoot a guy just for saying “Hey Lady!”

A Utah school district ordered a principal to apologize after he ordered a 14-year-old to change out of the kilt he wore for a school project because it could be considered cross-dressing. The principal also had to stay after school and write “Braveheart” on the board 100 times.

Mel Gibson has told his family that his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is pregnant with his child. Mel’s wife has filed for divorce but they’re still married, which means a movie of this would be called “The Passion of the Tryst.”

No comments:

Post a Comment