Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I’m a celebrity … yeah, right

MTV plans to air a new reality series called “16 & Pregnant” which will document the true stories of several pregnant teens. To protect the anonymity of one of the teens, the role of her mother will be played by Tina Fey.

According to his Democratic colleagues, Senator Edward Kennedy’s brain cancer is in remission and he is expected back in the Senate after the Memorial Day recess. This is doubly bad news for Republicans: Kennedy’s cancer is in remission while Dick Cheney is not.

The Senate voted 90-5 to pass a bill reining in credit card rate increases and excessive fees. There are some things money can’t buy, but the five senators who voted against it aren’t on that list.

The Federal Election Commission has dismissed a complaint over the $150,000 in designer clothing the Republican Party bought for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. The ruling was delayed by lobbyists for Saturday Night Live who wanted to slip a few more Sarah Palin wardrobe jokes in last weekend’s season-ending show.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced that the U.S. is sending $110 million in emergency humanitarian aid to Pakistan. If she was smart, she’d give it to them in the form of T-shirts with Osama bin Laden’s wanted poster and reward printed on them.

Vice President Joe Biden is on a tour of the Balkans. He’s there to reassure them that if they behave, President Obama won’t send him back there.

Authorities in China shut down that country’s first sex amusement park – which featured statues of giant genitals and a photo gallery on the history of sex – before it even opened. The giant genitals have been moved to the site of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games where they will be made into a statue of Michael Phelps.

It appears Patti Blagojevich, wife of the ex-Illinois governor, will take his place on the reality show “I'm a celebrity ... Get me out of here” to help pay his legal bills. Because she’s filling in for Rod, the show may have to change its name to “I’m a celebrity … yeah, right.”

Judges in Poland awarded more in damages to celebrities whose naked photos showed up in tabloids than to a person for injuries suffered in a car accident. The biggest award went to Miss Warsaw for an embarrassing photo that she claims happened when her top was blown off just as she was doing a commercial for a brand of Polish sausage.

No one is confirming that Vice President Joe Biden was right when he said Dick Cheney’s secret bunker is in the basement of the Naval Observatory in Washington, the home of the vice president and his family. Cheney himself denies it and says the only reason that room looks like it does s because he used to turn it into a Halloween haunted house for his grandkids.

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