Friday, May 15, 2009

Screwball Essence

General Motors announced it is dropping 1,100 dealers across the U.S. Former GM car salesmen were spotted on street corners holding signs reading “Will work for food – all makes, all models”

President Barack Obama welcomed the 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies to the White House. He’s not really a baseball fan, but he can’t smoke in the White House and was hoping the players would spot him some chewing tobacco.

U.S. health experts say that breastfeeding mothers who smoke marijuana pass the drug to their babies through the milk. You know there’s a problem when your baby’s first word is “Dude.”

The soap opera “All My Children” received nominations for 19 Daytime Emmy Awards. That includes one for outstanding daytime drama and one for the most people asking if it was still on.

Hollywood producer Jon Peters says his upcoming tell-all book will reveal that his ex-girlfriend Barbra Streisand had affairs with Robert Redford, Ryan O'Neal and Kris Kristofferson. All three actors say they’re available if Streisand wants to do a farewell tour.

A 104-year-old woman in England is a Twitter user and claims to be the oldest Tweeter in Britain. She’s also the first Tweeter know to have fallen asleep in the middle of typing 140 characters.

An America soldier serving in Afghanistan is a celebrity after he was photographed fighting Taliban forces while wearing only his boxer shorts, which are pink and say “I Love NY.” The pink boxers have been confiscated but the soldir won’t be reprimanded because of the Army’s “Don’t ask, don’t smell” policy regarding underwear.

Police in Wisconsin arrested a man for allegedly biting off part of another man's ear during an argument. Ironically, the argument was over whether they should go see the new movie about Mike Tyson.

An Illinois company is marketing “Blago It's Bleep'n Golden Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner” inspired by former Governor Rod Blagojevich. If you ask me, a more appropriate name for a Blagojevich shampoo would be “Screwball Essence.”

A stripper in a New York peep show called the police after a customer paid her with counterfeit $10 bills. She knew they were fake because the picture of Alexander Hamilton winked just before entering her g-string.

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