Passengers on the US Airways jet that landed in the Hudson will each be paid $5,000 to compensate them for lost luggage and other belongings. Actually, it’s $5000.25 to also compensate for the lost bag of pretzels.
President Barack Obama says it's time to begin “the work of remaking America.” Confused but enthusiastic Americans rushed out and caused the stock of Home Depot to surge.
Actress Kate Winslet says she spends so much time talking about Leonardo DiCaprio that she's starting to confuse him with her real husband, Sam Mendes. I’ve got ten bucks on Kate killing Leo in the first two minutes of the next film Mendes directs them in.
It looks like Rev. Rick Warren is hooked on the Washington political scene. After giving his inaugural invocation, he started working on his new book, “The Limo Driven Life.”
In Bloomington, Indiana, a 72-year-old man with eyebrows so long he brushed them each morning raised $1,600 for charity from people who paid to take turns trimming them. If Andy Rooney would do this, Jerry Lewis could cancel his telethon.
Italian customs police arrested two Brazilians who tried smuggling in cocaine hidden between packaged meat slices. Officials got suspicious when the drug-sniffing dogs started begging for bread.
A new study found that women faced with their favorite foods are less able to suppress their hunger than men. It could be because men can’t think about food until they first stop thinking about sex.
This peanut butter scare is getting out of hand. A man tried to rob a bank in Ohio by threatening a teller with a package of Nutter Butters.
Dick Cheney claims he was in a wheelchair at the inauguration on doctor's advice after he strained some muscles while loading moving boxes. His wife Lynne had waned him to stick to carrying boxes filled with shredded documents and let the movers handle the ones filled with bodies.
Christie's auction house is hoping a naked, pre-fame photo of Madonna will sell for as much as $15,000 when it hits the auction block next month. That’s assuming the only guy in America who hasn’t seen Madonna naked can afford it.
Protesters threw shoes over the White House fence on the day before the inauguration. President Bush didn’t get it. He thought the shoes were going-away presents for his dog, Barney.
A woman in Florida who failed twice to win elections for judge says she’ll try again under a different name. If this works, expect the Republican primaries in 2012 to include a candidate named Jeb Smith.
Police in St. Petersburg, Florida, arrested a woman accused of battery after she allegedly used a bagel to hit a man in the head. The man was rushed to the hospital suffering from bialy shock.
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