Coffee porn in a cup

In her new book, Sarah Palin calls contestants on American Idol “talent-deprived” people who suffer from “the cult of self-esteem.” As opposed to “Dancing With The Stars,” where her daughter Bristol who gets votes from the talent-deprived and cult of self-esteem.

In her new book, Sarah Palin says “we all had to bite our tongues” when Levi Johnston criticized her family. That explains why she has so much trouble pronounciating her words.

Eva Longoria filed court papers to divorce basketball star Tony Parker, citing irreconcilable differences. In basketball terms, she wanted to stick with the starting lineup while Tony preferred to bring in a substitute.

Scientists using the supercollider in Geneva claim they’ve created an anti-atom that may help solve what happened to all of the antimatter created by the Big Bang. For those not familiar with the term, evolutionists refer to the stuff from the Big Bang as “antimatter” while creations call it “doesn’t matter.”

The Philadelphia Eagles are going green by adding wind turbines and solar panels to their stadium. They’re hoping this will lower energy costs while messing with opponents’ kickers and shining sun in the eyes of their quarterbacks.

Tea Party darling Sharron Angle said in a recent speech that “sometimes dictators have good ideas.” She later issued a clarification that she was referring to dictators in other countries, not that Socialist Nazi currently running our country.

Chinese officials have put a stop to a new craze where newlywed couples have their wedding pictures taken in the nude. Couples wanting nude wedding pictures must now wait until they leave for the honeymoon and have them taken by airport security scanners.

A woman told Russian airport officials that her daughter was a suicide bomber in an attempt to stop her from flying away to get married. The woman was arrested and charged with making a false terror report and being a mom.

Lisa Murkowski of Alaska is officially the winner of the state’s Senate election, defeating Joe Miller, the candidate endorsed by Sarah Palin. When told the news, Miller became the second person in the country to shoot his television during “Dancing With The Stars.”

A New York coffee shop is offering a 20-ounce beverage with 10 shots of espresso billed as “coffee porn in a cup.” I thought that’s what Chock Full O’Nuts was.

Police in Idaho arrested a woman accused of posing as a plastic surgeon and performing bogus breast exams on women in bars and nightclubs. The women got suspicious when the fake doctor asked them to buy her a brandy so she could measure their breasts with the snifter.

Scientists in Boston say they have developed a laser camera that can “see” around corners and take pictures of things not in its direct line of sight. Proving once again that the inability to talk to women is the real mother of invention.