Monday, March 2, 2009

Find a Cure for Peanut Putter

Singer Chris Brown is reportedly recording tracks for a new album in Miami. His lawyer is trying to convince him this isn’t the right time to do a cover of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.”

An 18th-century note found in a Paris library appears to confirm the eau de cologne was invented by Italian Paolo Feminis and not another Italian. Although they’ve been looking for it for decades, researchers can’t find written evidence of anyone willing to take credit for inventing toilet water.

Former Iraqi general Ali Hasan al-Majeed, better known as “Chemical Ali,” has been given his third death sentence. To figure out a way to execute him three times without killing him, the Iraqi government has enlisted the services of the producers of “24.”

Officials in Los Angeles County, California, have declared the first week of March as “No Cussing Week” to encourage residents to clean up their language. It’s going to be a week of heck for guys named Richard who don’t like to be called Richard, Rick, Rich or Richie.

According to FAA rules, Capt. Chesley Sullenberger, who safely landed US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River, must complete three takeoffs and landings before he can pilot airline flights again. Sully plans to relax before the test runs by spending time at his new hobby, shooting geese.

Police in Kettering, Ohio, arrested a woman for allegedly driving her car, talking on a cell phone and breast-feeding her child at the same time. She received a ticket, a court date and three marriage proposals.

Legal experts in Australia say men should change their last will and testaments to allow for or deny their sperm being passed on to their romantic partners. This will prevent embarrassing scenes at the funeral home of girlfriends trying to arouse the deceased with pictures of naked dead women.

Contrary to popular belief, a new study found that pregnant women should not “eat for two.” The news came too late for that mother of octuplets who still owes restaurants tens of thousands of dollars.

President Barack Obama officially named Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius as his choice to be secretary of health and human services. Her first order of business will be to find a cure for peanut butter.

According to a study conducted in Germany, most people say the ideal woman's figure is slim with a relatively small waist-to-hip ratio. The German researchers also found that all bets are off if the woman can carry 12 full beer steins.

No comments:

Post a Comment