Sunday, March 1, 2009

N. E. Bodybutabush

China’s space agency announced plans to dock two craft in outer space by as early as 2011. And to make sure no other country copies its technique, the docking will be done with chopsticks.

In a straw poll taken at the Conservative Political Action Conference asking who Republicans want to run for president in 2012, Mitt Romney came in first, followed by Bobby Jindal, with Ron Paul and Sarah Palin tied for third. Winner of the write-in category was N.E. Bodybutabush.

A new study found that online porn consumption is highest in states whose residents are conservative and religious. Apparently the “red” in “red state” has nothing to do with embarrassment.

President Obama attended an NBA game between his hometown Chicago Bulls and the Washington Wizards, but left with four minutes to go and the Bulls behind by 17. Republicans took this as a sign that Obama just can’t stop bailing out.

A Las Vegas casino cafe is selling a 2-foot, 6-pound burrito for $19.95, but if you eat the entire “The Bomb” burrito, you get it for free plus an unlimited pass to ride the casino’s roller coaster. Sales of the burrito are way up, but the amount of people walking under the roller coaster has dropped to zero.

An Atlanta investment banker is auctioning off more than 15,000 videotaped episodes of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker's Christian talk show, “The PTL Club,” which aired from 1974 to 1987. In this case, the “PTL” on the label stands for “Predates The Lawsuits.”

Iconic news commentator Paul Harvey has passed away at the age of 90. And now you know the “rest in peace” of the story.

The New England Patriots traded their backup quarterback Matt Cassel to the Kansas City Chiefs. This either means that Patriots starting quarterback Tom Brady is healthy or that Pats coach Bill Belichick has implanted a tiny camera in Cassel’s head to record the Chiefs’ practices.

Spanish customs agents boarded a Venezuelan fishing boat and seized five-and-a-half tons of cocaine. They suspected the ship was carrying drugs because it was being followed by a school of blowfish.

An Austrian scientist from the Vienna University of Technology claims that by studying 503 pieces of lint from his own belly button he’s discovered a type of body hair that traps stray pieces of lint and pulls them into the navel. The school has since been swamped by applications from thousands of American boys wanting to know if it gives football scholarships.

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