Shoot a friend in the face while cross-dressing

When asked about her political future, Sarah Palin said, “If I die, I die. So be it.” Coincidentally, she said the same thing about what she’ll do when she finds her first gray hair.

A New Zealand Internet auction site pulled two postings by a teenager who was trying to sell nude pictures of his mother. There’s actually a site specifically designed just for selling nude pictures of your mother. It’s call ewwwBay.

Microsoft is warning about a serious computer security vulnerability in Internet Explorer that can allow hackers to remotely take control of a Windows PC. Bill Gates is trying to fix the problem before Steve Jobs hires the hackers.

Russia's first lady Svetlana Medvedev took Michelle Obama and her two daughters on a tour of the Kremlin. After viewing the well-preserved body of former leader Vladimr Lenin, Michelle told Svetlana she’d return the favor when she comes to the U.S. by taking her to see Dick Cheney.

Before announcing she was quitting as Alaska’s governor, Sarah Palin called former Vice President Dick Cheney and former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani. Based on their advice, she plans to shoot a friend in the face while cross-dressing.

J.Crew is using Sasha and Malia Obama to market some of its spring and summer styles. This is quite a change from the Bush twins, who were never used to market their favorite products in spite of often being seen with J. Daniels.

President Barack Obama met for the first time with Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and it was much different than President George W. Bush’s first meeting with him. For one thing, Obama looked Putin in the eye and all he saw was a contact lens and some vodka redness.

President Obama is depicted in a cartoon on the cover of National Review as a proctologist putting on a latex glove. This is either a commentary on his health care plan or a revelation on how he scores on much taller guys while playing basketball.

Joyce DeWitt, the actress who played Janet Wood on the hit television series “Three's Company,” was arrested in Southern California and cited for drunken driving. The cops knew she was drunk when she was given one phone call and she asked if anybody had Mr. Roper’s number.

Zookeepers at the Edinburgh Zoo in Scotland recaptured a gang of monkeys that ran away during a transfer from one habitat to another. Loose monkeys are feared in Scotland since they like bananas and many male zoo visitors wear kilts.

The inventor of the Rubik's Cube has unveiled a new puzzle called The 360 which involves getting six colored balls from an inner sphere into matching slots on an outer sphere by moving them through a middle sphere with just two holes. Because it can keep people occupied for days, the Republican Party ordered the first two and sent them to Sarah Palin and Mark Sanford.

After 39 years, 77-year-old DJ Casey Kasem has done his final “American Top 20” countdown. He plans to spend his retirement learning to count past 20.