Jay’s cell phone ring tone

The Olympics topped “American Idol” in the ratings Wednesday, the first time Idol has finished second in six years. Randy blamed it on Kara being too pitchy but Simon said it was because Ellen belongs in a high school musical.

After their meeting at the White House, the Dalai Lama said he was “very happy” and that President Obama was “very much supportive.” Just goes to show that good things happen when you send Joe Biden out for Chinese beer.

First lady Michelle Obama met at the White House with students visiting from England and told them that hard work will allow them to do anything they set their mind to. Republicans said this was the second time Michelle has encouraged someone not born in the U.S. they can be president.

According to a new study, happy people are less likely to have a heart attack. So how do you explain Bill Clinton having chest pains while Hillary was out of town?

In Colombia, a woman declared dead of a heart attack moved one of her arms just as an undertaker was about to embalm her. Unlike in the U.S., she was not trying to show him her insurance card.

Former President Bill Clinton says he knew something was wrong with him when he saw how bad he looked on “Nightline.” His face stayed pale even when reporter Cynthia McFadden showed him some cleavage.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney made an unannounced appearance at the Conservative Political Action Conference and told the crowd he won’t run for president in 2012. So they offered him his choice of dictator, emperor or dark lord.

Elton John is on the covers of this weekend's Parade magazine and in the interview says he thinks Jesus was a gay man. Religious scholars say this can’t be true because the Bible states Jesus walked across the water, not skated across it.

Kevin Eubanks has confirmed he will play a smaller role on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" when the show returns next month. NBC is so broke, the band will be replaced two times a week by Jay’s cell phone ring tone.

Food researchers have found that adding rosemary extract to ground beef reduces cancer-causing agents that can form upon cooking. On the other hand, adding parsley, sage and thyme increases karaoke-causing agents.