Thursday, May 13, 2010

Our Lady of Good Stuff

A former janitor at a convent in Italy is accused of organizing visits by South American drug smugglers disguised as pilgrims. The nuns got suspicious when the pilgrims kept asking to see the statue of Our Lady of Good Stuff.

An Australian physicist convinced the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary to fix a 99-year-old definition error of the word “siphon” he discovered during research. They also agreed to pay his doctor bill after he got gasoline up his nose using the incorrect definition.

Elena Kagan, President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, is making the rounds visiting senators who will vote on her nomination. So far, the only paper trail Republican senators could find on her was one involving an embarrassing incident after leaving the ladies room.

Michigan police are looking for a stolen delivery truck containing over $250,000 worth of adult merchandise, including lingerie and sex toys. They warned local residents that if they see a suspicious truck rocking, don’t go knocking.

A Nebraska teenager was arrested for allegedly using an apple and a hollowed-out cucumber to smoke marijuana. His fellow students were sorry he got caught but happy that the cafeteria must now go back to serving burger, fries and pizza.

A Japanese company has developed a bra whose cups can be used as pots to grow rice from attached seedlings. Sounds like the perfect gift for your girlfriend Patty.

According to a new study, people who were physically touched by a woman took bigger risks than those who weren't. This is especially true if the touching involved a lap dance.

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford spent last weekend in Florida with his Argentine lover, hoping to rekindle the affair that wrecked his marriage and his political future. He wouldn’t say how it worked out but the hotel gift reported that he bought out its entire supply of trail mix.

It's now law in Hawaii that the state government can ignore repetitive requests for President Barack Obama's birth certificate. Birthers must now get their copies the old-fashioned way – by using correction fluid on a bad Xerox copy.

Tiger Woods says an inflamed neck joint is giving him pain and making it hard to turn his head and that the only therapy is massages. Fortunately, he knows hundreds of women who give massages.

Abu Dhabi's top hotel has installed a new ATM that dispenses gold bars instead of cash. Some things never change. People withdrawing gold bars who are not bank customers still complain about the $2 fee.

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