Blood liable

Freddy the cat, who moved into the Sharon, Wisconsin, Village Hall a few summers ago, has been adopted by local residents as their mayor. He’s so popular, they’re afraid someone will steal him next year to be their vice presidential running mate.

Starbucks is bringing out its biggest drink size ever: the 31-ounce “Trenta.” Trent comes from an Italian word that means “Cupholder can also be used as an emergency diaper.”

Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee is hosting a weeklong “Christian-based” cruise along the Alaskan coast this summer. Sarah Palin says there’s no connection between this and the 400-foot-tall wall she’s building along the coastal side of her house.

A couple in Australia had to be rescued after they tried to float down a flood-swollen river on two inflatable sex dolls, prompting a warning from police that blow-up sex toys are “not recognized flotation devices.” Unless you pay extra for the new Mike and Molly models.

A legendary British cricket umpire is demanding that his hometown to move a statue of him because kids are hanging bras and panties from its outstretched arm and finger. This is another reason why we’ll never see a statue of Tiger Woods.

The CEO of the online coupon provider Groupon apologized to Japanese customers for a New Year's deal gone wrong. He had no idea they’d be so upset when he named the Japanese subsidiary Gloupon.

Undertakers in Vienna, Austria, are planning to use a crematorium to help heat their new headquarters. You don’t want to know what they’re using in the flower beds to scare away the crows.

A vial containing blood drawn from Pope John Paul II shortly before he died will be given to a Polish church as a relic when he’s beatified later this year. The church will be responsible for protecting the relic, or as Sarah Palin calls it, “blood liable.”

There’s a new iPhone app called Oysterpedia that gives information on how to eat 200 different North American oysters. Big deal. It’s just 200 entries that say “don’t chew.”

For those not invited to the royal wedding, a London-based travel company is offering a tour of sites with links to Prince William and his fiancee, Kate Middleton. The tour includes a place where Kate once worked and the place where Wills first figured out he’d never have to.