Stands With An Erection

Charlie Sheen reportedly ran up a $26,000 prostitute tab one weekend in Las Vegas in early January. This guy has more expensive hoes than a Neiman-Marcus Santa.

LeBron James has a new animated series called “The LeBrons” on YouTube that he claims will show kids of all ages how to be a good person. The only way for that to happen is for cartoon LeBron to tell the kids to turn the PC off.

Researchers in Maine have discovered a 9,400-year-old bone fragment from what they are calling the earliest confirmed domesticated dog in the Americas. The bone was found in a pile of human excrement, which means that either a person ate the dog or that early scooper laws were the opposite of today’s.

The president of the Boston Blazers lacrosse team apologized to fans for a racy halftime show involving scantily clad women giving lap dances to the team's mascot. What’s the big surprise? Everybody knows that “lacrosse” is a Native American word that means “Stands With An Erection.”

The maker of a $264 gastric bypass kit available on Amazon.com says the product was not meant for home use. People who liked it also liked the case of 144 Twinkies.

A Missouri woman who owns and operates a museum dedicated to hair says she has locks from Elvis Presley, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Marilyn Monroe. Amazingly, they were all found in a sink at the White House.

Sen. Joe Lieberman Announced he won’t run for re-election in 2012. Lieberman has run as a member of every party except the Tea Party and decided he looks silly in a three-corner hat.

An infectious disease expert says washing hands with soap and water is the best way to keep germs from spreading but there is no best way to dry hands. The worst way is asking the guy standing next to you to blow on them.

Hillary Clinton says she hasn't committed to serving a second term as secretary of state if President Barack Obama is reelected to the White House in 2012. She’s waiting for Obama to decide whether she and Biden should flip coins, draw straws or arm-wrestle.

According to the latest poll, Sarah Palin’s unfavorability ratings have reached 56 percent, the highest ever. This could kill her chances to run for president or get picked to host the Golden Globes.