“Glitch” for president

Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman John Kerry met with Pakistani leaders to discuss U.S. aid to their country. To help them understand the main condition for getting aid, Kerry gave the leaders a copy of the book, “Where’s Waldo?”

Amazon.com says a “glitch” is responsible for the sales rankings to be removed from gay- and/or lesbian-themed books by James Baldwin, Gore Vidal and others. In a related story, millions of conservatives have dumped Sarah Palin and now plan to support “Glitch” for president.

According to a new survey, most people say they plan to use this year's tax refund to pay bills. The rest plan to use it to buy cream pies, rotten vegetables and a map to AIG headquarters.

Angel Cabrera got a few surprises after his victory at the Masters. The biggest was a call from the pope thanking him for giving angels a good name again, not like that author Dan Brown.

President Obama’s first White House Easter Egg Roll had the theme “Let’s go play.” Conservatives looked at the same sex couples in attendance, unscrambled the letters and revealed that the president’s real message was “Pol let gays.”

You can tell the world is upset with pirates. For the first time in their history, the Pittsburgh Pirates had a game called on account of beanballs.

Bo, the Portuguese water dog, didn’t take long to settle into life at the White House. Today he bit Joe Biden for talking too much while feeding him.

A team of conservationists have discovered a new population of as many as 2,000 orangutans in a remote, mountainous corner of Indonesia. The great apes acted the way all orangutans do when they first encounter humans … they started screaming for Clint Eastwood.

Britain's Channel 4 network plans to broadcast a five-part artist education series “Life Class: Today's Nude” that will feature full-frontal female and male nudity. The series will then be brought to the U.S. under the new title, “Still Life With Black Tape.”

A new study found that college students who routinely use the social networking Web site Facebook typically have lower grade-point averages than those who do not. On the positive side, they also have thousands of Facebook friends to console them when they flunk out.

Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal says he has a deal with a conservative publishing house for a book that will mix autobiography, life lessons and policy thoughts. I think it’s called “The Audacity of a Four-Year Campaign for President.”