Streisand the Farewell Concerts

Barbra Streisand is releasing a 3-DVD set called “Streisand the Concerts” featuring some of her most memorable performances. If it sells, Barbra will follow it up with a 20-DVD set called “Streisand the Farewell Concerts.”

In Rapid City, Iowa, a man accidentally shot himself in the leg with a pistol while waiting for service at a fast-food restaurant's drive-through. Times are so tough in the fast-food business, the manager saw the man and fired the clerk for giving him extra ketchup.

France's anti-doping agency has accused cyclist Lance Armstrong of not fully cooperating with a drug tester. It’s not Lance’s fault. He felt uncomfortable because the French tester reminded him of John Kerry.

Kim Jong Il showed up at North Korea’s parliament for his appointment to a third term as the country’s supreme leader. You could tell he was proud of his country’s recent attempted satellite launch because he had his hair combed in the shape of a missile.

The 99 Cents Only Stores chain reports that its fourth-quarter sales increased 13.3 percent as a result of the recession. Sales would have been even higher but even poor hungry people are suspicious of 99-cent chateaubriand.

The Volkswagen Golf VI was named the 2009 World Car at the New York International Auto Show. At the bottom of the list was the new GM/Segway combo car called the Golf Cart.

A tofu-loving Colorado woman was denied the personalized license plate ILVTOFU because state officials thought the FU at the end meant something suggestive. This woman loves tofu so much, her original request was for the license plate ILVTOFUINTOFU.

According to a report in the New England Journal of Medicine, so-called brown fat burns calories faster than regular fat and can make you thinner. The only danger, according to R&B singer Rihanna, is to never say “brown fat” around your boyfriend.

President Obama says now is the time for Americans to refinance their homes and taking advantage of record low interest rates. They’re so low, Ty Pennington has stopped tearing down houses and is working on a new show called Extreme Makeover: Mortgage Edition.

Two California women have been charged with staging scam funerals to collect life insurance payments and other money totaling an estimated $1 million. Using fake funerals with imaginary dead people to collect insurance is a form of Ponzi scheme called Weekend at Bernie Madoff’s.

Former Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has filed a statement of candidacy for the 2014 election. Stevens will be 91 in 2014, so he’s already dropped hints to campaign donors he wants his house remodeled to include handrails, elevators and a lot more bathrooms.

Police in Poland arrested a 26-year-old man for stealing a toilet paper roll from a Warsaw restaurant and now the poor guy is facing 10 years in prison. Stealing toilet paper from restaurants in Poland is a serious crime because it’s also used for napkins, placemats and bar tabs.

Actor Billy Bob Thornton is being compared to Joaquin Phoenix after he appeared surly and uncooperative in an interview with the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. to promote his band, Thornton and The Boxmasters. This confirms a rumor that Phoenix and Thornton are competing for the lead in “The Mickey Rourke Story.”