Resort-a-potty

President Obama says his $787 billion stimulus plan will deliver more than 600,000 jobs this summer. Over half of them involve washing cars at the new company he just bought.

Bret Michaels of the heavy metal band Poison was hurt when he ran into scenery while performing at the Tony Awards show. He suspects the scenery was moved by an annoyed Elton John whose idea of heavy metal is cast iron hoop earrings.

A former New York state prison inmate claims he was permanently injured when a prison nurse failed to treat a 55-hour erection caused by an anti-psychotic drug. He’s paying for the lawsuit with money collected from his fellow cellmates, who still call it the best weekend ever.

A $300,000 public pay toilet in Boston is finally open for business after being under construction for two years. $300,000? Forget port-a-potty … that’s a resort-a-potty.

North Korea has convicted two American journalists and sentenced them to 12 years of hard labor for allegedly crossing the border illegally. Luckily, 12 years of hard labor in North Korea is still easier than 12 years of living in North Korea.

For the first time in over 30 years, a theater showed a movie in Saudi Arabia, even though it was only open to men. It was a typical Saudi buddy picture about two guys who don’t get high, don’t chase women and always remember where they were last night.

In an interview, former first lady Laura Bush said she's pleased that President Barack Obama nominated a woman for the Supreme Court and thinks Sonia Sotomayor is a good choice. She says her husband won’t be second-guessing President Obama on this, which can mean only one thing … his Magic 8-Ball is broken.

Erica Kane, Susan Lucci's character on "All My Children" who has had 10 husbands, will now fall for a much younger man who is her daughter's ex-husband and ex-fiance's stepson. If that doesn’t scare Ashton Kutcher, nothing will.

Will Ferrell's new comedy, “Land of the Lost,” was a flop at the box office on its opening weekend. In a related story, residents of a rich community near Dallas reported hearing their new neighbor, George W. Bush, laughing uncontrollably.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin denies accusations that a recent speech was plagiarized from an article by Newt Gingrich. Just because she can see Newt Gingrich from her front porch, it doesn’t mean she copies from him.