"Take pepper spray and wear a chastity belt."

The Mexican Navy discovered a huge methamphetamine lab with enough ephedrine to produce more than 40 tons of the drug, or about 309 million individual doses. The Mexican Navy discovered the lab after noticing highly-agitated fish developing legs so they could walk to it.

The Mexican Navy announced it has seized more than a ton of cocaine hidden inside the carcasses of frozen sharks onboard a freighter. Crew members involved with the smuggling were identified by teeth marks on their nostrils.

A woman in Bristol, England, decided to call off her wedding after finding out her fiancé was a porn star. If she’s disappointed now, wait until she finds out the rest of the single guys in Bristol can’t press the buttons in an elevator without using their hands.

In a CNBC interview, President Obama said that there’s one television network that’s “entirely devoted to attacking my administration.” He didn’t mention any names to avoid giving them free publicity, so now the people at the Fox News Channel are referring to him as “one president.”

China's Health Ministry issued medical guidelines on sex change surgery and one of the requirements is that candidates must get police approval before the procedure. When she heard the news Chastity Bono vowed to stop eating Chinese food, which put dozens of Chinese restaurants near her home out of business.

The FDA says consumers should stop using Zicam Cold Remedy nasal gel and related products because they can permanently damage the sense of smell. This could explain why the product was so popular in New Jersey.

Scientists studying dust storms on Mars say they have detected the first direct evidence of lightning on the planet. This is bad news for any astronauts hoping to play golf on the first trip to Mars.

At the 2010 World Cup qualifier soccer match between South Korea and Iran, the Iranian team members wore green wristbands as a sign of solidarity. What really motivated them was when their coach covered the ball with pictures of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Twitter has become the number one tool for young people in Iran to get information to the world about the demonstrations, violence and election fraud there. It has also become the number one way for young people in the U.S. to find out where Iran is.

Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has agreed to appear on the “Late Show with David Letterman.” She got a call from Sarah Palin warning her to take pepper spray and wear a chastity belt.

Police in Oklahoma City arrested a woman at a Target store who had stuffed 33 Blu-ray discs into her pants. She got caught trying to convince a security guard that her square butt was caused by sitting in a really small lawn chair.

Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton had dinner with eight of her living predecessors, including Henry Kissinger, George Shultz, James Baker and Colin Powell. They got together to discuss North Korea, but after a few drinks they were all doing Rush Limbaugh impressions.

Sean Penn has dropped out of the upcoming “Three Stooges” movie in which he was cast as Larry. Rumor has it he thought the curly-haired wig he had to wear made him look too much like Phil Spector.