Wednesday, September 2, 2009

She tied him to the tracks in front of the streetcar

The wife of Japan’s newly-elected prime minister says in a book that her soul once left her body, rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. I’m never going to complain about Michelle Obama’s outfits again.

Police in Louisiana arrested a woman accused of stealing a 12-pack of beer by hiding it between her legs. The woman was bailed out by hundreds of guys wanting to marry her.

A spokesperson for the Rolling Stones denies a report out of Australia that 68-year-old drummer Charlie Watts had quit the band. The other Stones can’t afford to let him quit … he’s the only one who can still open their child-proof prescription bottles.

Cate Blanchett was injured when her co-star in the Sydney stage production of “A Streetcar Named Desire” accidentally hit her with a radio during a fight scene. Cate’s OK, but her co-star dropped out after she tied him to the tracks in front of the streetcar.

A 99-year-old New Jersey woman still puts in 40 hours as a secretary in her son's insurance agency. Typical mom …the son wants to retire but she keeps the company going so he won’t move back home.

Levi Johnston, the father of Sarah Palin's grandchild, says in an interview that Sarah wanted to adopt the baby that people wouldn't know her 17-year-old daughter was pregnant. If that didn’t work, she was going to blame the pregnancy on Russians who snuck into Alaska while she wasn’t watching them.

Houston Astros player Aaron Boone is back on the team after undergoing open heart surgery in late March. He’s such an inspiration, Dick Cheney wants a tryout with the Washington Nationals.

Sean Lennon and his model/girlfriend Kemp Muhl recreated the famous Rolling Stone cover of Lennon's parents, Yoko Ono and John Lennon, only with Muhl being naked and Sean wearing clothes. Sean originally wanted to be the naked one, but then he remembered how loud his mom can scream.

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