Weekend At Bee Gees

University of Georgia scientists have discovered that one component of deep space clouds is naphthalene, the chief ingredient in mothballs. Creationists say this proves the universe is only 6,000 years old but the mothball smell makes it seem older.

In his speech to schoolchildren, President Obama said that every one of them has something that they’re good at. School principals say this comment may be responsible for a sudden increase in bullies stealing lunch money.

In his speech to schoolchildren, President Obama warned them to be careful what they post on Facebook because it will be pulled up later in their lives. Many parents wish he would have avoided talking about pulling things up on Facebook and just told the kids to pull up their pants.

Novelist James Patterson signed a deal with his publisher to write 17 books in three years. His picture will either end up in the Guinness Book of World Records or in the dictionary next to the phrase, “carpal tunnel syndrome.”

Rescue workers in Virginia needed a helicopter to rescue a woman who fell down a rock face after accepting her boyfriend's marriage proposal. In hindsight, the man said he shouldn’t have serenaded her with Paul Simon’s “Slip Slidin’ Away.”

According to a new poll, Americans remain just as divided over healthcare now as they were a month ago. The only difference is that now both sides agree it should cover town hall gunshot wounds.

Church authorities in Naples, Italy, have banned the kissing of a vessel said to contain the dried blood of St. Gennaro because of fears of swine flu. No word yet on whether British officials will use the same reason to close the gravesite of Sir Francis Bacon.

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in one more time on Tuesday by Chief Justice John Roberts. She’s had her hand on the bible more times than John Ensign trying to find a loophole.

Clark Gable III, the grandson of the late Hollywood screen star, is recovering after being stabbed in the rib cage during a fight at a party in California. Nurses at the hospital are tired of asking him if he needs a bedpan and hearing, “Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.”

Robin and Barry Gibb, the surviving members of the Bee Gees, announced plans to reunite on stage for a series of live concerts. They considered performing with a cutout of their late brother Maurice but didn’t want the concert to turn into a “Weekend At Bee Gees.”

A new study found that more than 65 percent of U.S. children ages 7-11 watch NFL games on TV featuring ads involving alcohol, erectile-dysfunction, sex and violence. Parents say they don’t mind as long as none of the ads feature President Obama telling kids to study instead of watching football.