Pixilate the jury of their peers

Utah Senator Orin Hatch wants to give drug tests to the unemployed before they can get government assistance. If receiving government assistance includes being on government health care because you’re a member of Congress, I’m all for it.

The Naked Cowboy, who performs in a cowboy hat and briefs on Times Square in New York, is suing a woman who calls herself the Naked Cowgirl and performs in a bikini. If this goes to trial, Court TV will have to pixilate the jury of their peers.

Michael Jackson's company, MJ Inc., has generated at least $1 billion in revenue in the year since his death. This breaks the previous record for money earned by a stiff set when Al Gore won the Nobel Peace prize.

A California man is fighting the state Department of Pesticide Regulation for ruling that his fertilizer made from worm poop is a pesticide because it repels bark beetles. The state is also being sued by bark beetles for ruining their fierce reputation in the beetle community.

A South Carolina town is considering a law that would make it illegal to sing, yell, shout, whistle, hoot or holler on public streets if it is annoying nearby people. The law is opposed by young girls who are afraid it will prevent an upcoming Justin Bieber concert.

With 2,300 in attendance, the NorCal Pirates Festival in California claims it has set a world record for most people in one place dressed as pirates. They also set a record for the most people pretending to have only one hand who object to being called hookers.

An art gallery in Poland is in trouble for displaying a giant billboard of a naked Minnie Mouse sprawled on a huge Nazi swastika. If they think that’s bad, wait till they see the replacement showing Mickey Mouse teaching Donald Duck to goosestep.

Police in a small town in Switzerland hired a man dressed as a guardian angel to stand on the side of the road and urge drivers to slow down. It works for everyone except hay wagons carrying guys holding pitchforks.

An engineer in China has developed an amphibious bicycle that can be ridden on land or in the water. If he doesn’t win the Tour du France, maybe Lance Armstrong can ride one in the America’s Cup yacht race.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has offered to rebuild a lightning-struck 62-foot-tall Jesus statue in Ohio as long as it carries a message about vegetarianism. The offer is opposed by church members who think it was a sign God loves barbecue.