The dangers of having sex in a Smart car

Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell says God is guiding her campaign. This came as a shock to the pope who says the picture on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel looks nothing like Glenn Beck.

A Chicago-area woman recruited for an internship at Disneyland was told she can wear a Muslim headscarf, but only one designed by Disney. She says that’s OK as long as it doesn’t make her look Goofy.

A Chicago doctor says her invention, an “Emergency Bra” that can be quickly converted into a pair of gas masks, is now available in B and C cup sizes in red only. She’s currently working on a model for saving entire families called the Dolly Parton.

A German art student has developed a video game where players portray East German border guards shooting at people trying to climb the Berlin Wall. Germans hate it but an English version of the game is sold out in Nevada.

In Florida, the Cocoa City Council decided to drop plans to ban young people from wearing sagging pants that show their boxers. It’s just another example of underwearwolves who change when exposed to a full moon.

Tour de France champion Alberto Contador claims that a banned substance he tested positive for came from eating bad food. This is the first evidence that the International Cycling Union tests for Denny’s dinners.

Former President Jimmy Carter left a Cleveland hospital where he spent two days recovering from a viral infection. His doctors knew Carter was feeling better when he tried to negotiate a peace settlement between his fellow patients and their insurance companies.

Kroger’s had to pull all of the Chad Ochocinco's Cereal boxes from its shelves because a wrong number on the box led callers to a phone sex hotline. The boxes will be resold under the name Turn Trix.

Fisher-Price is recalling more than 10 million tricycles, toys and high chairs because a protruding plastic ignition key near the seat could cause genital bleeding. Some parents kept the trikes to teach their kids the dangers of having sex in a Smart car.

Opponents of a clown running for parliament in Brazil say he should be ineligible because he can't read and write. That’s completely unfair since our own Congress proves that literacy doesn’t make clowns any better at their jobs.

North Korea has released the first official photo of Kim Jong Un, the youngest son and heir apparent of Kim Jong Il. The young man is pretty handsome, so it looks like the government has lifted its ban on Photoshop.